An Example of Yourself

According to Kay Kosak Abrams, a Kensington psychologist specializing in child and family matters, Harris may be onto something in suggesting that parents can share the modeling burden.

"Parents today are feeling too guilty, too powerful," Abrams says. "We used to have more of a community and role models other than parents. You're not the only role model, especially when they separate as adolescents. They're not going to idolize you anymore." So maybe if we relax a little and let our kids' teachers, bosses, even parents of their friends do the modeling, the kids will turn out just fine, after all.

Still, Abrams admits, "the formula is not so simple," noting that many of a child's behaviors are guided by genetic influences -- some of them from relatives more distant than the parents. Personalities are in the mix, too."

In any case, ratcheting down any anxiety and expectations about modeling good behaviors can only help.

"If there's positive attachment and connection, there's more likelihood that they'll admire us, want to please us and take in our values," she says. But "if you want something too badly and look too desperate, there's an oppositional demon that goes off in children."

Ultimately, Abrams cautions, even the most model modelers might not see immediate fruits of their labors. "Some of the outcome is going to come later," she says. "Not necessarily during childhood or adolescence."

For inspiration along those lines, just look at how Jared Fogle turned out. It wasn't until he was in college that he started eating well and exercising. He's been living healthfully for more than 10 years.

So let's give Jared the final word. "It's good to model" healthy behavior, he says. "But kids ultimately have their own mind. They're kids, but they're still human." ·

Jennifer Huget, a frequent contributor to Health, writes regularly on the new Washington Post health blog "The Checkup" (http://blog.washingtonpost.com/checkup). Comments:health@washpost.com.