Pay Your Dues When Your Parents Age

For years I've been telling my kids they better take care of me in my old age.

"Mommy, can we go to McDonald's?" one of them might ask.

"Do you promise to take care of me in my old age?" I respond.

Whenever I say this, my oldest gives me what I have dubbed the "nursing home" look. She knows it's what many parents fear -- that our children will ship us off to a poorly run and run-down nursing home.

To prevent this, I am funding my retirement account, saving religiously, and I plan to pay off my mortgage before I retire. But you never know. I need a Plan B if my retirement portfolio tanks or if I go through all my savings because of some debilitating illness.

I may qualify for some federal or social program if I become destitute, but still, my Plan B is my three kids. Hey, it's why I had three kids. I mean, it's not like they do much cleaning or bring in money to help pay bills.

Okay, I'm joking. For my husband and me, the kids are a joy and not just an old-age financial plan. However, my pastor recently suggested that adult children should set aside money in their budgets to take care of their elderly parents.

That's a bold proclamation considering the economic mudslide we are in. These days many people are turning to their elderly parents for financial help. I often get e-mails from retired seniors who are having to tap into their savings to help grown children who are in trouble. Grandparents are helping pay the expenses for grandchildren. And these are not children whose parents have abandoned them or otherwise have some issues. These are children being raised in middle-class, two-parent, two-income households.

If you're retired and you have amassed a great deal of money and you want to help your adult children, who I am to criticize such generosity? But the notes I get are from financially stressed-out seniors who complain about the constant requests for money from adult children with good jobs and income.

In their senior years, shouldn't it be their adult children sending them money?

Parents shouldn't have to beg their adult children to take care of them, said the Rev. John K. Jenkins Sr., who addressed this issue in a recent sermon at First Baptist Church of Glenarden.

"They paid for you, they nurtured you, they put a roof over your head," Jenkins said. "They took you around for your practices and rehearsals, the least you can do is take care of them when they get old. But you're 50 years old, and they're still taking care of you. You should be moving them into your house, and here you come moving your stuff into their house."