The World Of Sports on TV May Be Too Wide

12. I love the smell of TiVo in the morning.

(Column Intermission: This is a dying industry, punctuated by an exchange I once heard Anderson Cooper and Jerry Seinfeld have on the HBO special, "Jerry Seinfeld: The Comedian Award." Cooper: "Do you read the newspaper to get ideas?" Seinfeld: "No, there are no ideas in the newspaper.")

13. In tracking ESPN's global colonization, I am reminded of what comedian Dennis Miller once said, "Starbucks is now opening a Starbucks inside of a Starbucks."

14. When I saw Lee drop a buck in Alberta the other day on the Outdoor Channel's hunting reality show, "Gettin' Close with Lee & Tiffany," I can't say I felt fulfilled.

15. I grazed onto the Golf Channel's "Live From The Masters," and even though they were live from the Masters, they didn't even have a crawl or ticker giving us Masters scores. Can't the FCC shut them down?

16. I have a standing invitation to Marv Albert to announce my next traffic-court appearance.

17. Norman Esiason is a commentator on CBS's "The NFL Today" and an analyst on "Monday Night Football" radio broadcasts, plus he hosts his own weekly cable TV show and co-hosts a morning radio show in New York. I guess he had a tougher course load than I did at the University of Maryland.

18. When the Yankees dug up that Red Sox jersey, where was Geraldo?

19. Hey, Mao made mistakes with his Cultural Revolution, but he never pushed Stephen A. Smith onto his people.

20. Brady Quinn has an EAS Myoplex commercial. Uh, has he even thrown a pass yet in the NFL?

21. I'm still going through "Sopranos" withdrawal: Every Sunday night, I call my mother and tell her she's dead to me.

22. As of April 1, 2008, in my lifetime I have watched 236 hours of bowling on TV and three hours of "Dateline NBC."