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The World Of Sports on TV May Be Too Wide

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23. When the soccer revolution does arrive in America, I'm figuring I'll be out of town.

Ask The Slouch

Q. What gene is missing for those who go to baseball games, talk on their cellphones and wave at the camera? (Mike Fleming; Bryan, Tex.)

A. Actually, I believe we are dealing with the Charlie Sheen gene pool here.

Q. Are you aware that your marriage history is just like the NHL -- occasional physical contact, occasional scoring followed by icing and occasional trips to the penalty box with intermissions between each period? (Dan Takala; West Allis, Wis.)

A. I am vaguely aware of the NHL.

Q. I saw you recently on TV and could not adjust the picture. What can I do next time? (Mark Boynton; Cleveland)

A. Do what my current wife does -- wear a sleep mask all day.

Q. Does reading NFL mock drafts make you dumber? (David Erikson; Pittsburgh)

A. It doesn't make you Albert Schweitzer.

Q. Given that the Cleveland Browns' first pick this year won't be until the fourth round -- No. 122 -- could this be their best draft since the original team moved to Baltimore? (Randall Jeric; Maple Valley, Wash.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

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