CAROLYN HAX

STDs

Two choices. (1) You set them up, and let them figure the rest out. (2) To each one separately, say, "Would you ever want to be set up with someone else who has herpes?" They can guide you on the rest. To be clear: No names until you have both friends' consent.

Granted, it's an odd proposition. You're essentially going out and telling these two friends, hey! I found someone you can get nekkid with! Hm. Certainly, too, if they wanted herpetic heartthrobs only, the Web stands ready to help.

Still, No. 2 does what the Web does -- spares them The Conversation -- without the Web. Even though you know their I-have-herpes talk will go better than each of them expects, they'll still dread it.

Unfortunately, if you try 2 and you get a "no" from either, then you'll have to let time pass before employing method 1.

Re: Herpes:

Ya gotta know your audience. I really would not be interested in being set up with someone primarily because we both have herpes (sorry, but the "other reasons," while maybe true, just didn't sound like the primary goal here). I consider herpes to be a relatively insignificant piece of information about me that I would prefer not to be put first and foremost.

Then again, I don't go around complaining to friends how hard it is to date with herpes. Sure, a guy or two has disappeared immediately after being told, but sometimes they disappear for other reasons, too, and generally I just get the "appreciate the honesty, let's move on" response.

Anonymous

Appreciate the honesty, let's move on.