Three Wise Guys: Where Our Questions Come From, What Happens in Heaven and More About Peacocks

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By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Sunday, May 11, 2008

Note to readers: A question we hear all the time is "Do you guys write your own questions?" The answer is an emphatic no. Here's what you have to remember: Our main objective as pithy, pondering advice-givers is to do as little work as possible. Having to provide the answers AND the questions would be far too exhausting.

That said, we are prepared to answer any question on any subject no matter how trivial, complex, profound or insulting. Send yours to, and we'll get cracking on it -- unless, of course, it requires too much work.

Dearest Wise Guys:

I think people who store ketchup in the refrigerator (rather than in the cabinet or cupboard) are stupid. What do you think?

Lisa S.

Joe: I agree completely. I always store condiments next to my bed.

Dan: I think people who refrigerate maple syrup are insane.

Justin: I think we're all in agreement here. I salt-cure everything and hang it in my closet.

Dear Wise Guys:

Assuming that one is fortunate enough to be allowed into Heaven, how does one then pass the time?


Dan: As my friend Belinda used to say, Heaven is a place on Earth. So if it's anything like my Earth, I assume one passes the time watching a "Real Housewives of Orange County" marathon on Bravo. Except in Heaven, I wouldn't have to take bathroom breaks.

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