Week 764: Can You Up Chuck?

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There's no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer -- Chuck Norris is always in control.

Previous eras had their Samsons, their Paul Bunyans, their John Henrys. In the dawn of the 21st century, our Man of Legend is one Carlos Ray Norris Jr., a 68-year-old middleweight karate champion turned movie and TV star who most recently made headlines by guiding his chosen presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, straight into the White House. Well, okay, even Chuck Norris couldn't do that. But as you can see from the "facts" above -- lifted right off the long list on ChuckNorrisFacts.com -- there's no shortage of examples to demonstrate the supermanliness of Chuck Norris. At least we hope not. This week: Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. Please feel free -- in fact, please feel obligated! -- to Google your idea to be sure it's original. This contest was suggested by Loser Since 1994 Sarah W. Gaymon of Gambrills.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a card of temporary Tattoos for the Elderly, with such gnarly (well, gnarled) designs as "Out of Control," featuring a drawing of an adult diaper, and a set of dentures in a glass, with the legend "Bite Me." (What a nice gift for Chuck Norris!) From the ungnarled Ellen Raphaeli of Falls Church.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 19. Put "Week 764" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 7. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results and this week's Honorable Mentions name are by Russell Beland.

We were so carried away with our stellar field of horse names last week that we forgot to note the numerous Losers who were First Offenders: So take belated offense from Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif. (also a runner-up); Michael Martin, Stafford, Va.; Mike Sikorski, Rockville; Mike Jackson, Annandale; Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.; Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City; Stephen Gilberg, Washington; and Mary Jo Sweeney, Crownsville. Each gets one of those stench-tastic tree-shaped car air fresheners in honor of his FirStInk.

Report From Week 760

in which all the "answers" in our "Jeopardy!"-style contest were reader-contributed Googlewhacks, phrases that generated exactly one Google hit: Funny but offered by almost everyone was an entry linking "accountants of the Serengeti" with "tax cheetahs."

4. Answer: Three guys walk out of a bar. Question: What's the start of the favorite joke told at the Salvation Army? (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

3. A: Amish technology blog.

Q: What do the kids in Lancaster call the bulletin board on the barn wall? (Dan Ramish, Vienna)

2. the winner of the massive promotional not-snow globe to be presented by the Empress at the Losers' own Flushies Awards on May 17: