Your Friend, Your Agent?

Of course you know some real estate agents.

The National Association of Realtors has 1,235,598 members. Some are bound to live on your street, be in your yoga class or coach your child's soccer team.

"I don't know what I'd do if we had to sell our house," lamented Ellen Leander, a Northwest Washington homeowner who has three sons and is involved in her children's many activities. "I know so many real estate agents -- how would I choose one?"

If and when that time comes, how do you tactfully navigate the ocean of representation pitches, retain your friendships and feel confident that you picked the right agent?

"Choose someone that you have confidence in as a professional," said Dennis Melby, president of the Greater Capital Area Association of Realtors, whose members include 11,000 agents in the District and Montgomery County.

How do you do that? First, ask yourself, "What exactly do I need?" Are you buying, selling or both? Are you moving out of the area or staying local? Real estate agents have personalities as well as specializations. Some connect on a more personal level and tend to be better at finding you a place to live. Others focus more on sales, and you may be considering one whose postcards frequently arrive in your mail.

Before you choose to work with a friend, ask yourself what type of agent that person is. If you are moving out of the area, does he have the experience and affiliations to find you a home in another state or country? Also realize that an agent will be privy to your financial data and other personal information.

If you are staying local, will you continue to have contact after the transaction? If hiring someone destroys your friendship, what other parts of your life will be affected? Do you have mutual friends, share a place of worship or spend holidays with the prospective agent? If your friend is doing you a favor, even reducing his commission, would you hesitate to ask questions, tell him you are not completely satisfied or disagree with his advice? And when it comes to doing the deal, you want someone who can negotiate so that you're confident you were properly represented.

Nam Pho, a technology consultant, gave the listing to sell his Tysons Corner home to his cousin. "Although it was more than three years ago, small issues still linger and ultimately affected our relationship," he said. Pho was satisfied with the results of the sale but did not work with his cousin when buying his current home in Springfield.

"The lesson learned is: What's best for me and my family? And the answer to that is who is going to give me the best deal. A real friend would do what's best for me, and that translates into the lowest possible commission." After navigating the trickiest of diplomatic situations, working with a relative, Pho now follows the example of his father, who never does business with relatives.

"As a Realtor, it's often more challenging to work with a friend or relative, as there is a level of familiarity that can make it difficult to give them advice," Melby said. He added that it's frequently better to work with someone you don't know and that you should choose your agent based on recommendations from past clients.

"It's easier to be blunt with someone who is not a friend or relative," he said. For example, an agent who lists your house for sale probably will make recommendations on necessary improvements or updates. Hearing that the faux finish you painstakingly applied to your den may turn off buyers or that spending thousands to replace your kitchen counters with granite would make your home more appealing may come across as sound advice from a neutral professional but as criticism from a friend.