He Gets His Old Room but Not for Free, Not Forever

I agree that the first thing you need to do is establish how long your child will be staying -- and put the agreement in writing. All parties should sign a rental agreement. You can get one in any office supply store or buy a generic one online at such sites as LawDepot.com.

The graduate should definitely pay for a share of food, utilities and other household expenses. If you offer a free ride, your boarder may never leave. Life will become too comfortable.

Charging for rent, however, is debatable. If you feel that your adult child needs a little financial breathing room, don't charge. However, be very careful about this decision.

Without the pressure of paying rent -- often the largest expense -- boomerang adults may end up spending irresponsibly on other things, such as a new, expensive car. Or they may live it up hanging out with their young, single friends.

"They'll be spending $12 on martinis instead of saving money or getting a second job to pay off their debt," Lefton said.

If you do decide to collect rent, be clear about the amount and when it is due. Impose a late fee if the money doesn't come in on time.

The late fee might seem excessive, but part of your job as a parent is to help your child establish good financial habits. Paying bills late is the No. 1 way to ruin one's credit rating.

Parents who decide not to charge rent so that their graduates can pay down debt and save (they should be doing both) should demand to see proof that they are following a plan.

Yes, I am suggesting that you keep taps on their progress. Ask to see bank statements. They should also show you their budget and a debt payoff plan. Push hard for them to verify their efforts to become independent.

I know what some of you are thinking. You can't pry into their personal finances.

But pry you must.

If you get resistance, hand that grown person the classified section of your local newspaper, folded to the rental listings. Or e-mail or text them apartment possibilities.

If they don't want to be accountable to you, then they need to get up and out of your house.

· On the air: Michelle Singletary discusses personal finance Tuesdays on NPR's "Day to Day" program and online athttp://www.npr.org.

· By mail: Readers can write to her at The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071.

· By e-mail:singletarym@washpost.com.

Comments and questions are welcome, but because of the volume of mail, personal responses are not always possible. Please note that comments or questions may be used in a future column, with the writer's name, unless a specific request to do otherwise is indicated.