Three Wise Guys FAQ

What is this bunk?

Three Wise Guys is a weekly column that considers obscure, trivial and/or asinine topics suggested by readers. It seeks to address questions that cannot be answered by the likes of Miss Manners, Dan Savage, Dear Abby, Stephen Hawking or Drs. Laura or Phil. It appears in the Sunday Source (Section N of the Sunday Washington Post) and at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wiseguys.

Who are these guys?

They are Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak. Justin and Dan are age 30 or younger. Joe is old enough to be their father. (A teenage father, yes, but still.) Dan was born and raised on the banks of Lake Erie in Buffalo. Joe was born in Morocco and spent his formative years in Philadelphia. Justin hails from Seattle but has been spending his days in the District and nights in Virginia for the past 20 years.

How did three no-talents get their own column?

This is the one question that even the Wise Guys can't answer.

Do the guys make up the questions?

No. They have a hard enough time making up the answers.

Why haven't they answered my question?

Restrictions in space-time. They'll get to it eventually; keep checking the paper. If they don't plan to answer your question in print, they might send you a conciliatory e-mail. Like, "Sorry we can't answer your question because it has no inherent humor, insight or desperation."

Exactly how are you defining "wise"?

Really good-looking.

When is their book coming out?

They are waiting by the phone for literary agents to call.