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If Asking for Cash Wedding Gifts Makes You Squirm, Don't Do It
DEAR AMY: I got engaged about a month ago, and my fiance and I are now in the process of starting to plan our wedding -- about a year from now.
We've been together for almost seven years and have lived together for five of those years, so we're well established in terms of what we need for our home.
I know that some couples encourage their guests to give gifts in the form of money to help start their new lives as husband and wife, and to help recoup some of the cost of the wedding.
Asking for money would make me very uncomfortable, but if we do decide to ask for money, how should we get that message across? -- Hates Asking for Money
DEAR HATES: I have a radical idea for you: If asking for money makes you uncomfortable, then don't do it.
In some cultures, brides and grooms are traditionally given cash at the wedding. I can see how fetching that idea is to you, but if this is not your cultural tradition, and if asking outright makes you squirm, there is a fair chance it would make your family and friends uncomfortable too.
You've been living together for many years. You've flouted marriage tradition and enjoyed the benefits of cohabitation. Perhaps you could also reject the tradition of expecting gifts to establish a household you already maintain.
It is not your guests' job to help you recoup the cost of the wedding. Your wedding should be a gift from you to your friends and family, who will share this day with you. You shouldn't have a larger wedding than you can afford.
That having been said, these days couples can register for virtually everything. For instance, there are several Internet sites set up to register for a honeymoon (wedding guests donate money earmarked for various honeymoon experiences). Maybe you can figure out a way to register for your own wedding.
DEAR AMY: I am 13.
I have a boyfriend, "Lonnie," who is the same age.
