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Week 768: The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious
No fewer than 17 different animal species were beheaded for one small scene in "The Godfather" until Francis Ford Coppola said, "I know -- a horse!"
It's time once again for some more outright lies: This time we'll focus the fictoids on that bastion of The Whole Truth, the silver screen. Loser Lawrence McGuire suggests: Come up with fictitious movie trivia, as in Bob Staake's example above.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. For second place: You know those "stress balls" -- those molded foam things, in various shapes, that you're supposed to squeeze for relaxation, when work is making you just a little bit crazy? They're often given out by organizations as promotional material, as this one was.
It is from the U.S. Army. It has the U.S. Army logo and "WWW.ARMY.MIL."
It is green.
It is in the shape of . . .
A hand grenade. (Donated by Russell Beland of Springfield, whose stress ball of choice is one of his 10 Inkers.)
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 16. Put "Week 768" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 5. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Chris Doyle, who sent it while traveling in Quito, Ecuador. And you wonder why some people get so dang much ink.
Report From Week 764
in which we sought additions to the canon of Chuck Norris Facts, evidence of the tough-guyness, superhumanness and general divinity of the karate-kickin' actor: One frequently submitted entry: Chuck Norris already found and captured Osama bin Laden, but the government secretly made Chuck put him back. And numerous people took the opportunity to cleverly note that Chuck Norris can split an infinitive with his bare hands.
4.Chuck Norris does not buy hurricane insurance. Hurricanes buy Chuck Norris insurance. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)
3.Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open. (Michele Uhler, Fort Washington)
2. the winner of the set of Tattoos for the Elderly: Steel is made of Chuck Norris's bones . (Thomas Hansen, Rockville, a First Offender)