Big Brown's Belmont Blues

I don't want to alarm anybody, but I'm really in no mood to run a mile and a half.

Saturday: Oh, so today we're finally racing? I usually don't know until the post parade. . . . I'll tell you why Casino Drive scratched: One, he couldn't win; two, he found a jockey's head in his bed this morning. . . . What a big crowd; they must be giving something away. . . . God, I hate the rail. I need room to roam. . . . I can't get that R. Kelly song out of my head. . . . So I lose one race and pull up, 'cause what's the point of chasing fifth place? Let's make foals!!!

Ask The Slouch

Q. Since The Slouch is getting a little long in the tooth, is he eating healthier than ever? (Bill Hughes; Spokane, Wash.)

A. Yesterday I started with a McSkillet Burrito from McDonald's, had a Bacon Club Chalupa from Taco Bell mid-afternoon and got me a Chili Cheese Coney from Sonic for a nightcap. Funeral arrangements are pending.

Q. In the NBA, how long is a 20-second timeout? (Paul Stocks; Houston)

A. It is not beyond the realm of possibility to cook a three-minute egg during a 20-second timeout.

Q. If Hillary Clinton were a thoroughbred, how many times would she have raced Big Brown before she gave up? (Frank Zbiegien; Euclid, Ohio)

A. She certainly should've entered the Belmont.

Q. I see that referee Dick Bavetta worked Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Has he worked all the Finals between the Lakers and the Celtics? (Jerry Arneson; Brookfield, Wis.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

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