By Lisa de Moraes
Thursday, June 19, 2008
OMG -- Michelle Obama says her husband is "pathetic"! On national TV!
And he eats bacon! So does she!
And she doesn't wear pantyhose! That's right -- no pantyhose!
And he doesn't take out the trash!
Can this get any worse?! Yes -- it can!
The wife of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama was caught flirting with Sarah Jessica Parker's actor-husband, Matthew Broderick!
So intimate have they become, she was seen brushing dandruff off the suit jacket of the married man who has two -- count 'em, two! -- new movies coming out! While he was wearing it! On national TV!
With the Pew Research Center releasing its controversial study revealing that Michelle Obama has emerged as the "more high profile and controversial spouse" in this presidential campaign, and that a full 26 percent of Americans think the coverage of Mrs. Obama has been "mostly negative," is it any wonder the Obama for President Machine dressed Michelle in a black-and-white sundress with a flower brooch pinned to the left shoulder strap and shoved her on national TV yesterday to do damage control as a guest host with The Ladies of "The View"?
And they no doubt had coached her to touch America's Conservative Sweetheart Elisabeth Hasselbeck as many times as possible, and to say, "This girl, she's solid, she's got great kids, she's a great mom. She's funny."
But imagine the Obama for President Machine's dismay when Michelle insisted all The Ladies of "The View" -- including America's Favorite Old Lady Journalist Who Once Had an Affair With a Politician She Presumably Reported On for ABC News, as Detailed in Her Autobiography Available in Bookstores Everywhere, Barbara Walters -- perform The Michelle Obama Terrorist Fist Bump, as a no doubt horrified God-fearing studio audience looked on.
"I have to be greeted properly -- fist bump, please," Michelle said, ominously. Earlier this month, the Obamas caused a media kerfuffle when they fist-bumped during a televised campaign speech. Fox News Channel host E.D. Hill, for instance, wondered if it was a "terrorist fist jab."
"I'm sorry, what does that mean?" co-host Whoopi Goldberg asked. "Should I be worried about doing that with you?"
Well, you might ask. But Michelle had a story ready:
"It's now my signature bump. But let me tell you I'm not that hip. I got this from the [campaign's] young staff. That's the new 'high-five' -- it's the fist bump."
That satanic ritual out of the way, we learned that this woman who might occupy the White House likes bacon, and is interested in pomegranate juice. The possible Future First Lady no longer wears pantyhose because they (a) don't fit, (b) are uncomfortable, (c) rip and (d) are inconvenient. All undeniable truths.
Asked how she reacted when her husband told her he wanted to run for president of the United States, she said, "It's like, please, don't do this! I didn't want Barack to go into politics because I thought politics was a mean business. I knew this man that I loved, he was sweet, empathetic --"
"Did you just say 'pathetic'?" asked co-host Sherri Shepherd.
"Yeah, right, 'pathetic,' " Obama joked, adding, "empathetic, empathetic, empathetic," while Whoopi began to spell it out "E-M-P-A-T-H -- ."
But it was too late:
· The View Ladies Dive In to Rescue Michelle Obama After She Calls Barack "Pathetic," the Chicago Sun-Times' Lynn Sweet slapped up on her blog.
· The Freudian slip of the campaign (or was it?), Radar wondered.
"Saw it, heard it, Michelle meant what she said: 'sweet and pathetic,' " chimed in one commenter on Sweet's blog, adding, "She's said similar things previously. The 'helpful' Whoopi and others managed to create the impression that Princeton educated Michelle Obama doesn't know the difference between empathetic and pathetic. Not good."
An Obama spokesman called Sweet to say Michelle had said "empathetic."
Sweet updated her blog:
"After this was posted, Obama spokesman Tommy Vietor called to say Michelle Obama said 'empathetic,' not pathetic. I listened to a tape several times and heard the word pathetic. The reaction from the ladies on The View suggests that's what they heard too. 'It is a word that can be misheard,' Vietor said. Vietor said Obama said 'sweet, empathetic' not 'sweet and pathetic.' One thing for sure. When someone says 'Sweet,' I listen," Sweet wrote with all the certainty of someone who . . . oh, never mind.