Week 770: A Knack for Anachronism

If 21st-Century Girls Had 17th-Century Standards

Tricia: Oh my God, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there lying on the bench!

Kara: Wow. Look at that full gut. He must be, like, totally well fed and wealthy . . . compared to Biff Ryland over there playing Frisbee, all sinewy and shirtless.

Tricia: Gross! Look at those abs and well-defined delts. Uhh, can you say "field laborer"? Why doesn't he just wear a sign that says, "I don't get to eat figgy pudding with gravy very often"?

The aforementioned illustration of shifting aesthetics regarding the human form as a reflection of socioeconomic class, by New York improv actor David Siegel, appears in longer form on the influential academic forum CollegeHumor.com and was forwarded to us by Confirmed Loser Peter Metrinko of Chantilly, who suggests this contest: Take a famous historical moment, literary passage or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. Peter also cites Bob Newhart's classic 1960 telephone monologue in which Abe Lincoln's Madison Avenue press agent coaches him on his image ("You typed it? Abe, how many times have we told you: On the backs of envelopes!"). Length limit: 81 words, which just happens to be the length of the example. Much shorter entries are also enthusiastically welcomed.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a genuine Abe Lincoln Bobblehead, which does not by any stretch depict Abe Lincoln or his head. Instead, it depicts pretty well the Washington Nationals' Abe Lincoln mascot, which has a luscious Antonio Banderas head of hair, and also a pretty smoldering expression, come to think of it.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 30. Put "Week 770" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 19. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Brendan Beary. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Tom Witte.

Report From Week 766

in which we asked for situations that could be summed up with the singsong comment "Awwwk-ward":

4 You discover that the guy at the party you've just castigated for his disgusting imitation of a disability was not, in fact, doing an imitation. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

3 As an April Fool's joke, you "come out" to your dad. He immediately breaks down and tells you that he, too, is gay. Now you don't know whether to tell him it was just a prank, or to pretend to be gay the rest of your life to spare his feelings. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

2 the winner of the empty bottle of Pschitt: