Week 773: Always Looking for Sects

(Bob Staake For The Washington Post)
Saturday, July 12, 2008

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul is flung onto a roof and just stays there.

And perhaps that's where the soul of the famously atheistic George Carlin is currently residing. If one can believe a single phrase occurring in dozens of obviously copied Internet hits, Carlin "invented the parody religion Frisbeetarianism for a newspaper contest." Unfortunately, it wasn't ours. Fortunately, it's your turn: This week: Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives "Brides Behaving Badly," a collection of wedding photos from what must have been the alumnae of the Tonya Harding School of Elegant Deportment and Apparel.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 21. Put "Week 773" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 9. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's contest was suggested by devout Frisbeetarian Andrew Hoenig. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart.

Report From Week 769

in which we asked for portmanteau words -- words combining two words in which at least two letters overlap: Most people had no trouble noticing that the words had to begin with a letter from S to Z; those who sent entries from all over the alphabet (a group that may or may not include a Mr. Chuck Smith of Woodbridge) should hold on to them for when we repeat this contest with other letters, providing we are still here and all that.

Among the most common words offered was "soporifiction," variously defined as the works of Henry James, Dostoevski, Thoreau and Danielle Steel. A special telegraphy prize goes to the (we swear) eight-time Loser who sent "Yodelegate: To delegate to another the task of yodeling" AND "Sugarlic: Sugar stored next to a bag of garlic" AND "Swedental: A Swedish dental plan."

5. Shamigo: A fair-weather friend. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

4. Senescenterfold: The highlight of the redesigned, retargeted AARP Magazine. (Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif.)

3. Tontology: If you're the LONE Ranger, kemo sabe, then who am I? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

2. the winner of the plush toy scissors labeled "moyel": Soldermatology: For when you really want that facelift to last. (Patrick Mattimore, Gex, France)

And the Winner of the Inker

Treadmillstone: The unused home gym that keeps staring at you. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Bottomfoolery: Honorable Mentions

Storment: To interrupt the "Lost" finale to broadcast weather warnings for some county 100 miles away. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

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