A Mortgage Is a Tie That Binds, Even After the Owners Break Up

Q: My girlfriend and I bought a condominium together about two years ago. Everything was beautiful until our relationship ended. I moved from the master bedroom to the spare room so we could live as roommates. Unfortunately, the situation went from heaven to hell. She started to make my life miserable. I lost my job for lack of sleep and because of all the stress. I had to call the police several times. I moved out last month because she brought her daughter to live with us.

We are both on the mortgage. I tried to sell her my share and even offered to pay the capital gains tax on any profit we might make if we sold, but she rejected all my suggestions. My credit so far is good, and I do not want to damage it. How do I get out of the loan? I don't want anything back; I just want to get on with my life and live in peace.

AI suspect that when you bought that apartment, you and your girlfriend just wanted to be together and live happily ever after. You never thought you might eventually break up.

But things happen. When you are dealing with a major investment such as real estate, you have to enter that relationship with your eyes open and with a full understanding -- in writing -- of all of the negative possibilities.

You should have had a written "partnership" agreement with your girlfriend before you took title to that condominium. Such agreements should include issues such as who will make the monthly mortgage payments, what happens if one co-owner is unable to contribute financially and how you will resolve situations in which one person wants out of the deal.

In your situation, it's obviously too late for such an agreement. Here are some suggestions about what to do now.

First, review how you and your former girlfriend hold title to the property. Because you are not married, there are two possibilities: joint tenants with rights of survivorship and tenants in common.

Joint tenancy means that the two of you own the condominium jointly. Should one of you die, the survivor would own the entire property, and no probate would be required.

In a tenant-in-common arrangement, each of you owns a divisible interest in the condominium. It can be 50-50, or any other percentage. Often the percentage is based on the deposit each of you made when you went to settlement and the percentage you pay on the mortgage.

If the property is held as joint tenants, I suggest that you retain a lawyer and immediately arrange to change the title into a tenant-in-common arrangement. You have the right to do this without consulting your ex-girlfriend and without her consent.

Why make this change? Should you die suddenly, she would own the entire property and your heirs (your family) would get nothing.

That may have been what you wanted when you were still talking to each other, but I doubt that is what you want now.