Nationals Monument

When I left D.C. for Los Angeles in 1992, it was largely because my first marriage had ended. But I also told friends, half-seriously, that I no longer could stand to live in a place that kept electing Marion Barry to office. And, now, a new century has not changed the skewed perspective that pervades too many Washingtonians.

Marion Barry is still in office and my former neighbors still have their priorities out of whack.

I don't want to hear about the "creative financing" of Nationals Park. For once, I want to hear about the creative financing of projects that don't involve Major League Baseball diamonds or pro football fields. I want to hear about stuff that impacts the community every single day in critical ways.

Nationals Park cost $611 million. You know what one-tenth of one percent of $611 million is? It's $611,000. Now, imagine what you can do with $611,000 in 1,000 different platforms across the city. You might get the traffic signals synchronized on Massachusetts Avenue, just for starters.

At D.C.'s shining new palace, Lexus Presidents Seats go for $325, which includes a parking pass, gourmet buffet, complimentary in-seat food service and access to the President's Club -- meet Warren Harding! -- the PNC Diamond Club and the Stars and Stripes Club. With enough money, you can have a grand old time at the grand old game, soothed by the crack of the bat on a warm summer's night.

Indeed, the park looks beautiful on TV, and many of my friends say it's a fabulous place to watch a game. ESPN's Peter Gammons reported that the visiting clubhouse is the biggest in baseball and that the home clubhouse is "spectacular, right down to the fact that they have high-speed Internet access and iPod chargers in every locker for every player."

I think it's terrific that million-dollar athletes have wireless access as they're toweling down after a tough 9-2 loss. It might be even more terrific if 14-year-olds in D.C. schools were afforded the same luxury.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones's recent arrest made me wonder -- have you ever cut cocaine with a credit card? (Tom Casey; Indianapolis)

A. The credit limit on my Visa card is so low, it couldn't cut Ryan Leaf.

Q. With respect to your marital history and MLB, does the current Mrs. Slouch have a trading deadline? (Tom Hoffner; Broadview Heights, Ohio)

A. No, but I check the waiver wire every morning.

Q. Thank goodness there are two weeks off between the conference championship games and ArenaBowl XXII. This should give the media ample time to cover the myriad story lines before the big tilt. (Frank Perry Jr.; Des Plaines, Ill.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

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