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By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, July 20, 2008

MORE TODAY from my continued, Pulitzer Prize-winning coverage of the plight of the beleaguered customer service representative.

SYLVANIA DOUBLE LIFE SOFT WHITE LIGHT BULBS

Me: I have a complaint about these products. They're not soft.

Robert: I'm sorry?

Me: Your package says they're soft, but they're not. They smash just like any other bulbs. I've smashed 12 of them already.

Robert: Sir, "soft" white does not refer to whether the bulb will smash. It is not shatterproof. It is coated to reduce glare.

Me: Oh.

Robert: Why are the bulbs breaking?

Me: I'm a juggler.

Robert: You're a juggler?

Me: On a unicycle.

Robert: Well, even our bulbs with a shatter-resistant coating are gonna crack on you, man.

Q-TIPS COTTON SWABS

Me: Listen, I am looking at the box, and it shows a woman swabbing under her eye. On the back, a child is being swabbed next to her nose and on her eyebrow. There is a picture of a Q-tip being used to clean a laptop keyboard and a bathroom tile.

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