CAROLYN HAX

Adapted from a recent online discussion:

Dear Carolyn:

I call my stay-at-home-with-baby husband. Phone rings at least six times. When he answers, he tells me he's out on the porch with our 9-month-old (in her playpen). I ask, "Did you run inside to answer the phone?" He says yes. Probably took 15 seconds, but still.

I am at work fuming. I know what I need to say, I just can't believe I'm saying it to him and not to a 13-year-old babysitter. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal; I think it is. We live on a fairly busy street. At the very least, someone could call social services on us.

How Mad Should I Be?

I say this knowing that scary kid accidents all seem to happen in those "15 seconds" when someone isn't looking, but I think you also need to realize these "15 seconds" are a fact of life at home with small children. It's just not possible to focus your full attention on anything all day every day.

And he ran in for the phone and presumably ran back out, and the baby was in the playpen, not crawling loose.

Would it have been better if he had let the phone go? Sure. Or picked the baby up when he went in to get it? Not so sure, if he was running.

Would you be angry if you were calling him from the side of the road in a broken-down car, and he didn't pick up?

Yes, I'm rationalizing, but it's for a good cause: The parent who's home needs -- yes, needs -- the benefit of the doubt from the parent who's away somewhere. Unless he has a pattern of questionable judgment (and not just judgment you question), say "argh" and let it go.