Tentative Steps at the Wedding Reception

Dear Miss Manners:

I am curious about the tradition of wedding dances. We have the happy couple's first dance. Then there is the father/daughter dance followed by the mother/son. By now, all the guests at the reception are happily chatting among themselves, no longer paying attention, and we segue into the son and mother-in-law, etc.

What is appropriate for an evening wedding with a band or DJ? How long should the dances be, and how many should there be?

The idea is for the bridal couple to open the dancing, not to give a private dance featuring their relatives while the guests' function is to stand around admiring them.

Or not. No wonder couples confess to nervousness about the simple act of dancing with each other. Getting married is not a sufficient qualification to stage a dance performance before an audience.

Miss Manners gathers that you have heard about those lists in which the order of dancing is specified for a long line of relatives, regardless of whether they are on speaking terms. Such overplanning arises from the suspicion that the gentlemen of the wedding party are innocent of the requirement to dance with the principal ladies instead of only following their personal preferences.

The idea is for the parents to dance with the couple and one another, and, by the way, it would be nice if the gentlemen asked Granny to dance, too. And for the guests to be treated as guests.

Guests should not be kept waiting, even the full length of one dance. Halfway through the bridal couple's dance, the bride's father cuts in to dance with his daughter and the bereft bridegroom turns to his mother. (This can also be done with the respective in-laws first.) At this point, the bridesmaids and groomsmen should take to the dance floor and encourage the other guests to follow.

Presumably, the bridal couple's enjoyment is in gazing at each other, not in being gazed at.

Dear Miss Manners:

I have gotten to know many of our neighbors on our street and often see them at the neighborhood pool. We all have kids who usually play together.

Coolers with food and drinks are allowed; however, most of our neighbors opt not to bring them. But all the kids help themselves to my cooler -- which I keep zipped up and my kids do not get into without asking first -- and get out food and drinks.