Page 2 of 2 <

CAROLYN HAX

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)

Discussion Policy

Comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions. You are fully responsible for the content that you post.

However, there's more to this. You have an appearance-conscious, boundary-unconscious mother, and a spouse who is better at enabling her than supporting you. And you're counting on them both to be otherwise. And you're conflicted about your weight yourself (who said anything about diet pills?). There's a pattern here, and counseling wouldn't be an overreaction. It could help you figure out your relationships, and the weight -- are the 15 pounds a correction from being underweight? an emotional flare? -- which would then help you deal with both more productively.

For the woman who may have married her mother:

Ever try saying to either of them, "Why do you want to hurt me so much?"

I see nothing to indicate that she's ever told them how upsetting this is for her. It may not make a bit of difference -- but that's something to know, too, isn't it?

Anonymous

Indeed. Thanks. It's important more as a way of asserting herself than swaying them. The only sure way to shed abusers -- yes, abusers -- like her mom is to deny them traction. That requires sturdy belief in self, and she's not there yet; she isn't fine with her weight.

Which, cruelly, might perpetuate the gaining. Food is a ready source of comfort, and clearly her closest relationships are of little comfort to her. That, not calorie-counting, is what needs her attention now.

< 2