Three Wise Guys: Do Jackalopes Exist?, Clothing Size and Price Disparities, How to Wash a Bald Head

By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dear Wise Guys:

I want to know if jackalopes really exist. Or are they just bunnies with antler implants?


Dan: I recently drove through Wall, S.D., home of the famous megastore Wall Drug. There, I found a giant jackalope -- at least 15 feet tall. We approached it with caution. Gently, my friend climbed on its back, and I took a picture of her. The jackalope did not move. In fact, it stayed very still, as if it were a fake, as if it were an oversize representation of something that doesn't exist, never did and never will.

Joe: I had jackalope once, and it was delicious. Tasted like prickly pear.

Dan: Joe's 18-month-old child is half jackalope.

Joe: And half of him is as cute as can be.

Dear Wise Guys:

Here's one for you: Alyce is a size 2, Babs is a size 18 and Carol wears a 1X. Alyce and Babs pay $25 for the same skirt, even though there is more material in the larger size. But Carol must pay $32.50 for her skirt, even though there isn't that much more material in a 1X than in an 18. Well! Wise Guys, I know you will have an explanation that will not be insulting to those in the X category!


Joe: Is this one of those "What time is it when the two trains pass each other" questions? I hate math.

Dan: The answer is C) 3:30 p.m.

Joe: Anyway, here's what we know about the fashion industry and retail pricing: nothing. But we asked for input from our savvy colleague and honorary Wise Gal (she insisted on that title) Ylan Mui, who covers retail for The Post's Business section.

Ylan: I consulted with Dan Butler, vice president of merchandising and retail operations at the National Retail Federation. The difference in price mainly comes from the fact that the 1X is considered "plus size." It might have been produced separately from the mainstream sizes and in smaller quantities, which would drive up the price. Also, though the 1X skirt might look the same, it could be constructed differently than the other sizes, with extra seams or support panels that make it more expensive. Short people who need "petite" sizes (e.g., me) can also face this problem, even though our clothes require less fabric. (Okay, that sounds weird, but you know what I mean!)

Dear Wise Guys:

I am bald as an egg and use soap to wash my head (like the rest of my body). My wife insists that I should use shampoo. Her logic: Shampoo cleans roots. (I still might have hair roots.)

I think this would mean one should shampoo other parts of the body where one has hair. What is your expert advice?


Justin: I spoke with Pirooz Sarshar of the Grooming Lounge to get to the bottom of this debate. Your wife is right, but not for the reason she thinks. The question, it turns out, is all about moisture. "Soap is so high in alkaline that it's going to dry out your head," Sarshar explains. "Then what happens is that your body assumes there is no oil being created, so it creates more, and you end up with a scalp that is both dry and oily. The best thing to do is create balance by using a moisturizing shampoo or body wash."

He also suggests getting an SPF booster to protect your head from harmful UV rays, but that's a big leap, and I think we may need to start with baby steps.

Joe: You can also try covering your head in ice for 20 minutes, then pour liquid chocolate over it and wait till it freezes into a delicious head-shaped shell. This has nothing to do with the shampoo-soap debate. I just think it'd be cool to try.

Dan: Joe has already tried it on his jackababy.

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