No More 'ASEAN Idol'?

By Al Kamen
Friday, July 25, 2008

There may have been some hints of progress to report from the annual Asia-Pacific security meeting this week in Singapore. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice met "informally" with her North Korean counterpart during the 27-country regional forum. More talks, at the foreign minister level, are scheduled among the key players working on the North Korean nukes problem.

But that important development was overshadowed by the dreadful news that the famous dinner skits by the delegations -- often the only memorable events at the somnolent gatherings of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) -- were canceled, allegedly by host Singapore, for what a spokesman vaguely called "practical reasons."

No more Secretary of State Colin Powell dressed as one of the Village People (2004), with a hard hat and a hammer in his belt, singing the group's mega-hit, "YMCA." Five aides backed him, all wearing variations of the band's outfits.

No more Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov dressed as Darth Vader (2005) in an elaborate "Star Wars" production, singing "ASEAN, Superstar/You are the best friend of Russia" to the tune of "Jesus Christ, Superstar."

The real reason for the cancellation, ASEAN Secretary General Surin Pitsuwan told the Associated Press, might have been that some delegations were taking "the performances too seriously, to the point where it felt uncomfortable to compete." Some countries kept their scripts and rehearsals secret, "trying to outwit each other," he said.

Or the skits may have been the victim of cellphone cameras and YouTube, with leaked videos to the press for what was supposed to be an off-the-record night of fun.

Rice, who is said not to be enamored of the skit foolishness, likely didn't complain about the cancellation. During her tenure, she dispatched Deputy Secretary Robert Zoellick to the meeting her first year, played a dignified classical piano piece the second year (when she had no deputy) and sent Deputy Secretary John Negroponte last year.

Department spokesman Sean McCormack called the skits "acts of ritual silliness in the name of diplomacy." McCormack, in what may be one of the most informative blogs on any government trip, apparently disclaimed U.S. involvement in killing these most delightful events.

"For some reason, and I will not ask why, that part of the program has been dropped from this year's meeting," he wrote. "You will not hear any complaints from the American delegation about the revamped program, and most especially me. Musical talent is not a strength."

Still, what would ASEAN be without skits like the memorable 1998 "West Side Story" duet of Secretary Madeleine Albright as Maria and Russia's foreign minister Yevgeny Primakov as Tony?

Well, as Surin said, the performances were "some of the best, some of the worst," and some were "nothing to be proud of."

Loop Fans can only hope that more fun-loving diplomats will move to reinstate this glorious tradition in next year's gathering.

Conventional Wisdom, 1924 Style

Two cautionary notes on the media's seeming conclusion this week that this presidential campaign is just about over. Granted, it's been, so far, an exceptionally good week on every front for Sen. Barack Obama-- from him sinking three-pointers to Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki's treasonous endorsement of Obama's withdrawal timetable.

And yes, it wasn't helpful that Sen. John McCain canceled his trip to New Orleans yesterday to tout oil drilling after a tanker and a barge collided on the Mississippi River, creating a massive slick and sending diesel fumes over the city.

Even so, some state polls this week showed McCain holding his own or even gaining ground in key state races. And the media has a long history of faulty prognostications. Truly faulty.

Take this item on Page 16 of the New York Times on Dec. 21, 1924, about Adolf Hitler's release from prison, headlined "Hitler Tamed by Prison."

Observing that he looked "sadder and wiser" -- probably because he was worried about finding a publisher for "Mein Kampf" -- the article concludes: "It is believed he will retire to private life and return to Austria, the country of his birth."

Still waiting for a correction . . .

I Can Name That Candidate -- Not!

Meanwhile, the English-language Jerusalem Post, on its Web site, did a takeoff of Jay Leno's Jaywalking routine, in which Leno heads to the streets to gauge the public's knowledge of current events.

In this case, the Post noted that McCain and Obama had each traveled to the Middle East to gain voters' backing at home by trying to express their strong support for Israel. "But how would the candidates fare if the people of Israel were voting?" the paper wondered. "We asked shoppers at a Jerusalem supermarket to identify photographs of John McCain and Barack Obama."

What they found -- http://www.jpost.com-- indicates that McCain might want to make another trip to the region. Some people got both names. Some got neither. But most were like one man who said: "That's Obama and that's his opponent, the Republican."

"That's Barack Obama and that's the other guy," one woman offered. "Maybe Cheney."

Well, Is It Imperial or Not?

As a way to mollify the Dennis Kucinich wing of the Democratic party, the House leadership asked Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers to hold hearings on President Bush. Not the impeachment hearings the left-wing folks wanted, but, as they were initially titled in a press release last Thursday: "Conyers Announces Hearing on Imperial Presidency."

But now they've decided to tone down even those faint hopes for the rabble rousers. Now, they're simply calling it: "Hearing on: Executive Power and Its Constitutional Limitations." Kucinich is testifying.

Dull but elegant.

He's Baaack

The State Department recently brought back Eric Boswell, a retired Foreign Service officer who had been assistant deputy director for security for the director of national intelligence, to be assistant secretary for diplomatic security.

Boswell held that position from 1995 until March 1998 -- a few months before the U.S. embassies in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, were destroyed in August 1998 in the worst assault on U.S. diplomatic missions in our nation's history.

Staff researcher Madonna Lebling contributed to this column.