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A Distant Cry: Out-of-Town Niece Needs Help With Anorexia, and More

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Begin by asking the parents if you can give her a round-trip plane ticket, so she can visit you when you both have a three- or four-day weekend. This will give you enough time to invite a few of your friends for brunch, to take her to a college play and go to a restaurant where the aromas are almost as enticing as the food and the conversation will be even better.

That's when you can remind her that she owns her own future and that -- with a little luck and a lot of work -- she can be whatever she wants to be when she grows up. A teenager can't hear that enough.

When your niece goes home, you should keep encouraging her with frequent e-mails and postcards and try to see her as much as you can, both in your town and hers. This will give her the friend she needs more than ever, and maybe more than she ever will again.

In time you should be able to talk with her about her illness, but don't lecture her endlessly. You'll be more effective if you print out some material on anorexia for her, which you can find on the National Library of Medicine Web site ( http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus) and also on the one sponsored by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders ( http://www.anad.org). Facts can be more persuasive than a doting aunt.

Questions? Send them toadvice@margueritekelly.comor to Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 20003.

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