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Week 776: An Act of Sunny Side
Let There B-Lit: Honorable Mentions
Francis Bacon: "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties."
Jay Shuck, Minneapolis: "You think you're sure? I mean really, you're SURE you're sure? Well, I am, like, SO SURE!"
Pliny the Elder: "The lust of avarice has so totally seized upon mankind that their wealth seems rather to possess them than that they possess their wealth."
Mae Scanlan, Washington: "When money rules, you guys are fools."
Jane Austen: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
Karen Zachary, Arlington, a First Offender: "Everybody knows that a rich single dude wants to be married. Not."
Who is Silvia? what is she,
That all our swains commend her?
Holy, fair, and wise is she;
The heaven such grace did lend her,
That she might admirèd be.
Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.:
Who is Sylvia? What is she,
That all the dudes now dig her?
Holy cow, she's hot! I see
The doctor's made her bigger,
And she's about a double-D.
Psalm 52: "Thy tongue devised mischief's; like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. Thou loves evil more than good; and lying rather than to speak righteousness. Selah. Thou loves all devouring words, O thou deceitful tongue."
David Kleinbard, Jersey City: "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"
T.S. Eliot via Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney: When I get old, I'm going to roll up my pants, eat a peach, and go to an art gallery.
Edgar Allan Poe: "A feeling, for which I have no name, has taken possession of my soul -- a sensation which will admit of no analysis, to which lessons of by-gone times are inadequate and for which I fear futurity itself will offer me no key."
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge: I am soooo wasted.
Poe via LuAnn Bishop, West Haven, Conn.: So, it's really late, and I'm totally bummed out thinking about my dead girlfriend, when then this big black bird hops in my window and says: "Fahgedaboutit!"
Geoffrey Chaucer: "Whan that aprille with his shoures soote
The droghte of march hath perced to the roote . . .
Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages."
Beverley Sharp, Washington:
"It's spring break . . . ROAD TRIP!!!"
Walt Whitman via Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.: Whoa, dude! The president got shot! We need to get some metaphors going RIGHT NOW.
Thomas Jefferson via:
Russell Beland, Springfield: Us Americans, so that we can have a better country, one that's fair, where we're not yanking each other's chain, and to make sure nobody messes with our homeboys, and to keep things righteous, have worked up a few rules here . . .
Beverly Ellis, Manassas, a First Offender: Sometimes stuff happens and a group of people have to stop being a part of the group they used to belong to and go do the stuff they want to do because it's their right to do what they want to do and to be respected just for living and they gotta tell everybody what's going down and why the shakeup is taking place.
David Kleinbard, Jersey City: It's plain to see, you ain't better than me. God gave us a right to be free. You ain't the boss of me. Shake my branch, I'll kick you out of my tree.
G. Smith, New York: You're not the king of uf!
See more Honorable Mentions at www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.
With the two First Offenders here and two more on the washingtonpost.com supplement, The Style Invitational has logged its 4,000th Loser since the contest began in March 1993. No, we haven't been keeping score. We have Losers for that. See the exhaustive statistics at their own Web site, www.gopherdrool.com.
Next Week: Always Looking for Sects, or Eschatological Humor