It's Hannah Again. Should We Take This?

"Hey! It's Hannah Montana!"

It is!? Seriou --

"It's time to WAKE UP!"

But I already am --

"Hey, I know it's early, but you have an awesome day ahead of you!"

Right. When's the last time you were a sixth-grader with braces in public school?

"So put on your favorite outfit, eat a healthy breakfast, and GET A MOVE ON!"

And then, she of the rabid tween fandom and questionable Vanity Fair spread hangs up the phone, leaving behind only the faint echo of exclamation points and a reminder in the in-box to shop Wal-Mart.

* * *

Just when it seemed Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus's alter ego) had reached the saturation point in your child's life, a revelation: The teen singer's voice can be the throaty alarm clock that rouses your offspring, via telephone, in the morning.

This is thanks to a back-to-school partnership with Wal-Mart and a sparkly purple Web site, http://www.hannahmontanacalls.com. It will remain live until Sept. 15, by which point parents will have given Wal-Mart all of the back-to-school money they can possibly give.

The site is a drop-down menu of outsourced parenting at its Disneyest: Moms and dads (and 20-something hipsters, who will doubtlessly seize on the ironic potential in scheduling a call from HaMo) can choose either a wake-up call or an activity reminder for one of 24 squeaky-clean extracurriculars.