Paris for Prez?
Paris for President?
Well, check out her energy policy.
Yep, you read that right. In a two-minute online video posted last night on the comedy site FunnyorDie.com, Paris Hilton announced her candidacy -- thanks to Sen. John McCain's "Celeb" ad comparing Sen. Barack Obama to Paris and Britney Spears -- and boasts an energy policy that should make every screenwriter proud. Though her parents have contributed to the Republican senator, Paris is no McCainiac. (The ad begins with a voice-over referring to McCain as the "oldest celebrity in the world," before cutting to a photo of the senior citizens of "The Golden Girls.") But she's not for Obama, either. True to form, she's all about Paris. She wants pop star Rihanna as her vice president and might paint the White House pink.
"Hey America I'm Paris Hilton, and I'm a celebrity, too. Only I'm not from the olden days and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot," she says, sitting on a lounge chair and wearing a skimpy one-piece leopard swimsuit -- with a copy of Conde Nast Traveler in hand. "But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president. So thanks for the endorsement white- haired dude. And I want America to know that, I'm like, totally ready to lead."
Paris then summarizes the difference between McCain and Obama's energy policies -- "Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency and McCain wants offshore drilling" -- before offering her own sober take on the issue.
"Well, why don't we do a hybrid of both candidates' ideas?" she says. "We can do limited offshore drilling -- with strict environmental oversight -- while creating tax incentives to get Detriot making hybrid and electric cars. That way, the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved!"
She then continues: "I'll see you at the debates, bitches."
With a few film credits in her resume, this might just be her best acting role yet. The McCain camp seems to think so. "In reality, Paris Hilton may have a more substantive energy policy than Barack Obama," they said in a statement.