D-Day 2009 Commences On Their Signal

(By fantastic new cellphone applications, we expect.)

"In some ways, this is a lot more devastating to people" than the lead-up to Y2K, says Barry Goodstadt, a psychologist and senior vice president of Centris. "TV is more important to people than most consumers will admit," he says. "[They'll] say, 'Oh, I don't watch TV.' But they do." They do.

That's why the franticness surrounding the DTV transition is so unnerving. Not because people love television, but because that private, embarrassing love is being acknowledged in a very public way. America is saying, You know how I said I turn on my set just once every four years for the presidential debates? I lied. I love "Poker After Dark." I live for "The Price Is Right." If you take that away from me, I will be lost, so give me my coupon and no one gets hurt.

Our truest, most disappointing priorities, laid out for all to witness. See, for example, the Web site of Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich.), who has placed DTV on his issues tab, right between "education" and "budget and taxes."

The placement is disturbing and, sadly, comforting.

But surely there are some people who live outside of this obsession, who can reassure us that humanity will withstand the calamity in the DTV transition?

A call to Kalle Lasn, the founder of Adbusters magazine, which sponsors the yearly "Mental Detox Week." (Used to be "TV Turnoff Week" until Adbusters realized people were turning off their TVs only to log onto their PCs.)

So, Kalle, it's not like people are going to break out in hives from this, right? Heh heh heh.

"Actually, we do get calls," Lasn says. "[People] are only four hours in and already they're sweating and getting all the symptoms of withdrawal."

No, but really.

"It's very much like smoking. All kinds of delusions, and sweating, and physical discomfort -- "

You're not really helping here. . .

"People intuitively know it will be bad -- they've had all those little experiences of when the TV goes down."

Having cable himself, however, Lasn should be okay.