Week 779: Gripe for the Picking

Some of us must have truly charmed lives, notes Very Occasional Loser Irv Shapiro of Rockville (for whose children, coincidentally, the Empress babysat decades ago, when she was but a mere princess). At a time when few are untouched by economic woes, or health woes, or family strife, or deep angst over What the World Is Coming To, some very lucky people evidently have nothing worse to concern them than a neighbor giving a dog the same name as their relative, or coughing at a concert. The latter crisis was addressed about in a 546-word tirade published in The Post this past summer, prompting reader Chris Krisinger of Burke to write in: "Of all the pressing local issues that need airing through additional public discourse such as the editorial pages, coughing at symphony concerts would not have made my top 100 or so." This week: Rant about an issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. So that we can air it in The Post, of course. As always, longer entries must be worth their length. Anything over 75 words must be gosh-durn hi-larious.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a brand-new 2008 Liberace calendar -- including a photo of Wladziu in spangled hot pants -- direct from the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas, donated by Loser Maja Keech of New Carrollton, who picked it up at this year's Loserfest, an annual vacation organized by the Style Invitational Losers themselves. (Last year, you may remember, we featured an ear picker picked up at the Loserfest in Williamsburg.)

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, classic or current version. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Sept. 2. Put "Week 779" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 20. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Elden Carnahan. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Brendan Beary.

Report From Week 775

in which we asked you to combine the beginning and end of two words within a single ad in The Post or washingtonpost.com and define the new word: This contest turned out to be a little harder than expected, because, as several Losers reported, the paper isn't exactly exploding with ad copy these days.

4. Spamily: The deposed former vice president of Nigeria, his niece the banking heiress, and her brother-in-law the diplomat trapped on foreign soil. (Josh Feldblyum, Philadelphia)

3. Beau-ger: An unfortunate pick from the personal ads. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

2. The winner of the 2002 outhouse calendar (usable again in 2013): Brasort: A semi-nudist colony. (Marc Boysworth, Burke)

And the Winner of the Inker

Exclu-less: Oblivious to how much the people in coach hate you and your roomy leather seat and your pretty little cookies on the pretty little tray instead of the three pretzel sticks.

(Beth Morgan, San Francisco)

Ad Absurdum: Honorable Mentions

Ex-rid: Remarry. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)