'Cupid' Is Reincarnated as ABC Announces Five New Series

At ABC, where August is the new May, they just announced the pickup of five new series for the 2008-09 TV season, which starts next month.

But one of them is a reboot of a comedy the network debuted in the fall of '98 called "Cupid." The original starred Jeremy Piven -- he's the one who steals the show in "Entourage" -- as a guy who thinks he really is Cupid, the god of love. Piven was wonderful in the role, only, sadly, Paula Marshall, Show-Killer Extraordinaire, co-starred as the psychologist/lonely-hearts expert to whom he got assigned. Not surprisingly, it lasted a mere 15 episodes.

A decade later, Bobby Cannavale -- he won an Emmy for playing Vince on "Will & Grace" -- will play Trevor, a.k.a. Cupid; and Sarah Paulson, a.k.a. Fingernails on Chalkboard Christian Comic Chick on "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," will play Dr. Claire Allen.

Rob Thomas, who created and exec-produced the original, is doing same on the reboot.

"Castle," on the other hand, is a "comedic crime procedural" about a famous mystery novelist, Nick Castle, teamed with an NYPD detective -- female and, we're guessing, hot but dismissive of Nick -- after a real murderer starts staging scenes from Nick's books. His blood gets pumping, ABC assures us, as he steps in to help solve the crime. Presumably by turning to the last page of that particular book, which, apparently, the NYPD didn't think of doing. Anyway, ABC promises that Nick's and Detective Kate Beckett's styles "instantly clash" -- told ya -- and "sparks begin to fly."

Do you know how wealthy I would be if I'd gotten a buck for every time someone in this industry said "sparks fly" to describe the relationship between the two lead characters in a new TV series?

Anyway, Nick is kept grounded by his Broadway diva mother. Yes, ABC really says that. Also keeping him grounded: his teenage daughter who -- I know you see this coming -- is . . . PRECOCIOUS! Or, as ABC puts it, "quick-witted." Also contributing to his grounded-ness is his "long-suffering" ex-wife, who happens to be his editor.

Do you know how wealthy I would be if I got a buck for every time someone in the TV industry wrote a long-suffering ex-wife into their series? If the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers can force Hollywood writers to take squat in online residuals, why can't it force Hollywood writers to stop putting their own private divorce hells into their latest TV projects?

"The Unusuals" is also a comedic procedural set in a New York police precinct where the newbie, Detective Casey Schraeger (played by Amber Tamblyn), discovers that everyone in the homicide division has a distinctive sense of humor and his or her own "dirty little secrets."

And those are just the dramas. Notice how none of them is serialized?

"Better Off Ted" is an office comedy about a man named Ted, though you'd probably figured that out already, who, ABC says, is successful but morally conscious even though he runs the R&D department at the "morally questionable" Veridian Technologies. Veridian is the developer of suicidal turkeys and edible metal, and hilarity ensues. Jay Harrington is Ted, and Portia de Rossi is Veronica, his superhuman boss.

"Single With Parents" stars Alyssa Milano as Kristin Newman. Actually, that's the name of the woman who created this series based on her own life (sigh). Which is, a chick in her mid-30s who has divorced parents who need to be put down. Beau Bridges, Dad, needs her as a surrogate parent, and Annie Potts, Mom, counts on her 24/7 as a shrink and confidante.