Brett, Brennan, Browns

We recently wagered on the Cleveland Browns. The over/under is 8 1/2 . So if they win nine games or more, Mr. Radio Big Shot turns over one segment of his show to me. If they win eight games or fewer, I turn over two paragraphs of my column to him.

Here's my problem: The Browns cannot crack .500 with Derek Anderson as their quarterback. I need Romeo Crennel to realize this soon. Anderson is, uh, a bit inaccurate. You know how, when people are giving directions, they say, "Go down two traffic lights, turn left and you'll see it on the right side -- you can't miss it." Well, Derek Anderson could miss it. Trust me.

Yes, dear readers, the Arizona Cardinals again are the Team of Destiny. Let's be honest -- of late, the Team of Destiny program has been the butt of jokes, a cocktail-party punch line.

But I believe in the Cardinals. I believe in Ken Whisenhunt. I believe in Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart. I believe in Edgerrin James, Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. I believe in Antrel Rolle.

Note: I also believed in Walter Mondale in '84, and he lost 49 of 50 states.

The Cardinals were the best 8-8 team in the NFL last season. I am confident they can become the worst 10-6 team in the NFL this season. Then they will begin their improbable playoff run -- a Neil Rackers overtime kick here, a beer bong-inspired game-winning drive there -- and, poof, they're Super Bowl-bound and Couch Slouch again is your Prognosticator of Destiny.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Do you think instant replay would have determined that Babe Ruth was actually pointing at the Hot Dog Guy? (Dan Hulihan; Rexford, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. If the NFL forbade Peyton Manning from wearing Johnny Unitas's cleats, why is Jim Zorn allowed to wear his hair? (Matt Mastracci; Gaithersburg)

A. Pay this fella, too.

Q. Will the World Poker Tour be calling up any players from the Heartland Poker Tour after Sept. 1? (Don Frese; Towson, Md.)

A. What, are we running a 10-bit special today?

Q. Any truth to the rumor that John Daly is switching his cellphone provider to AT&T because it promises "more bars in more places"? (Matt Rutherford; Arlington)

A. Bust out the piggy bank, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!