Todd Palin's Got a Babysitter! Let's Get This Party Started!

MINNEAPOLIS, Sept. 4 - First Dude speaks, and he's funny! Todd Palin was the surprise hit of yesterday's tribute lunch for Cindy McCain.

"Is it just me, or do things move quick around here?" quipped the GOP's favorite stay-at-home dad. Yeah, as already oft-repeated, he's a card-carrying steelworkers union member and seasonal fisherman but, as of yesterday, the campaign announced, he's Mr. Mom. He deadpanned that his family had "quite a week. . . . If I had a crystal ball a few years ago, I might have asked a few more questions when Sarah decided to join the PTA."

The "future first Second Man" (as "The View" co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck introduced him) brings rugged looks, a killer grin and non-compete style to the ticket. "I'm so grateful I don't have to worry about what he's going to wear," McCain (red sleeveless dress, four-strand pearls, hair pulled back) told the crowd. "We don't have to compare notes. I love it!"

The "One Heart, One World" luncheon, hosted by Women for McCain, packed 1,000 women into the Minneapolis Hilton ballroom for strawberry soup, chicken salad -- and a touch of vinegar. Hasselbeck snarked that unlike "another wife of a political candidate who shall remain nameless," McCain co-hosted "The View" without a list of topics that "we weren't allowed to touch." Oooo, take that, Michelle Obama!

McCain attack cat Carly Fiorina said she was "proud and outraged" to defend the veep nominee from "sexist attacks." Take that, elite liberal media! And Jon Voight popped up again ("He's everywhere!" squealed one fan) to share that being with Republicans this week "makes me feel I'm taking the proper road on my journey." Cindy, he said, reminds him of his can-do mom: "Any woman who has raised a family is overqualified for any job." Take that, chauvinist pigs!

McCain said nice things about her husband, her charities, her kids and her country. "If we have an opportunity to become your president and first lady," she said, "I can tell you for myself I promise to do the best I can with the most dignity and the most grace that I can humanly measure up to."

With This Ring Tattoo . . .

Things we noticed about Levi Johnston in his official debut as Bristol Palin's fiance: He's had a haircut since those hockey season photos. And on his left ring finger -- a tattoo of her first name. Doesn't appear to be new, according to close study by amateur tattoo experts. Also -- sorry, conspiracy theorists: The ring she wore Wednesday appears to be the same one she was photographed wearing a week ago, before we all learned about him.

Present Unaccounted for

So, uh, you know that baby gift Jamie Lynn Spears supposedly sent to teenage mom-to-be Bristol Palin? We and countless other news outlets reported this, thanks to confirmation from the swanky baby boutique that wrapped the $60 worth of burp cloths. Well, they're not really from Spears. Reps for the starlet told reporters yesterday they don't know of any such gift. Did the store hoax us, or did it get hoaxed? A publicist for Petit Tresor -- so easy to reach on Wednesday -- did not return calls yesterday. The L.A. store was reported to have received a cease-and-desist letter from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's lawyers last spring for allegedly leaking details about Suri purchases to the tabs.

Down, Updo!

Notice anything different about Sarah Palin Wednesday night? Her trademark updo -- missing in action! We've learned that Cindy McCain's stylist stepped in to take the air out of the governor's modified beehive. Also: She's wearing new clothes. Palin only packed a small bag for last week's big announcement, a McCain staffer told us, as she planned to return to Alaska after stumping Sunday. Instead, the campaign flew her straight to Minneapolis to prep for her speech. Unclear if she embarked on a secret shopping trip or had things sent to her hotel. Finally, we understand she never wears slacks on official business. What, no pantsuits?!

St. Paul, After the Gavel

Tidbits from Wednesday's corporate parties, where lobbyists never talk on the record, drinks are always free, and reporters-who-crash are forced to scribble notes in the ladies' room:

11:00 p.m.: Charlie Daniels takes2 stage at the Creative Coalition's concert. Brunet waitress with glasses and updo wears name tag "Sarah." Really!? "Well, no," she admits. "But we thought it would be funny."

Midnight: Hurry into packed ONE/Recording Industry party. "American Idol" rocker Chris Daughtry launches into "Over You," a song about being dumped for another. We think of poor Joe Lieberman.

1:00 a.m.: Boogie Night Revue swarming with people wearing "Suite Guest" passes; say they have "no formal connection to the convention."

2:20 a.m.: Warehouse party, where we clear three checkpoints before entering . . . heaven: hundreds (heck, thousands) of lobbyists, and House Minority Leader John Boehner -- the George Hamilton of Congress -- and his peeps slow-dancing to "Let's Get It On." Our work here is done.