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CAROLYN HAX

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)

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Anything can happen. A faith in other people can't be what gets you out of bed in the morning, or else you're in for a terrible letdown.

A faith in yourself, on the other hand, that you can handle whatever happens -- that is something that really can sustain you.

In fact, confidence in your ability to weather betrayal is the foundation of trust: Without it, you're suspicious of everyone.

This isn't as cynical as it sounds; we do build relationships, through which we build trust, and we reinforce that trust through commitment. Not with words, but with actions and time. Most people do mean well and believe they do right by other people.

But even then, it doesn't always work out perfectly, which brings you back to the thing you have to be able to count on: you.

So use this smack in the face to develop some of this kind of resourcefulness. Stand up, brush yourself off, wish this guy -- who clearly has emotional damage of his own -- some genuine happiness, and start concentrating on the things that will help you carry on.

Continued tomorrow.

Write to Carolyn Hax, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

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