Week 781: Our Greatest Hit

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. (Chuck Smith, 1998)

Idiotarod: An annual Alaskan race in which morons pull huskies sitting on sleds.

(Chris Doyle, 2003)

The Empress held out as long as she could -- 82 weeks since she last succumbed. But requests -- and even entries -- are still coming in for the contest we first ran in 1998 and have repeated a few times since, most recently in Week 699 (indeed, last week the E received an entry for "Week 699"). Here's this year's version: This week: Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word, as in the examples above.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives -- courtesy of our secret correspondent in Oman -- two bars of soap: Virginity Soap ("feminine tighten") and Classic Placenta Soap (if the Virginity Soap didn't quite work, we suppose).

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, classic or current version. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 15. Put "Week 781" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Oct. 4. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte. This week's Honorable Mentions name was thought of independently by Chris Doyle and Brendan Beary.

Report from Week 777

Our annual limerick contest that furthers the quest at Oedilf.com to include a limerick about every word in the dictionary. This week, da- words. Once again, limericians contributed more than 700 five-line gems (and not-so-gems) from all over the English-speaking world (look at the place name if you see "calm" rhyming with "charm"). But as you'll see, it's da-rned near impossible to top the work of our own veteran Style Invitational Losers. Anyone who submitted a limerick for this contest is welcome to post it now at http://www.oedilf.com. And 17 more Honorable Mentions -- several of them in the not-for-grandma tradition of the genre -- are at http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.

5.The damselfish lurks in the sea,

Self-centered as ever could be.

Hunting food in the deeps;