Week 781: Our Greatest Hit

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

A friend warned, "Your inner

Tube has to get thinner.

So when you're at dinner, inflate less."

(Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Had your fill of McCain and Obama,

Yet still craving political drama?

Though you're not the real thing,

Why not wire Beijing:

"Where's my visa, guys? (signed) Dalai Lama."

(Chris J. Strolin, Belleville, Ill.)

The bridegroom (from Brooklyn, I guess)

Was under unusual stress.

"Hey! Duh bridal gown's red!

Man, I ain't gonna wed

Any damsel," he said, "in dis dress!"

(Sheila Blume, Sayville, N.Y.)

An advantage to baldness, I note,

Is my dandruff concerns are remote.

Now my scalp has no flakes,

And it shines! All it takes

Is a clear polyurethane coat.

(Brendan Beary)

"He was nattily dressed, very dapper,

Yet handsome and rugged -- a strapper.

I stood by the wall

As he entered a stall . . ."

(From "The Memoirs of Senator Tapper")

(Chris Doyle)

I once loved a girl from Darjeeling;

Her beauty and skill sent me reeling.

But my afterglow fled

When she sat up and said,

"Can we do it once more -- but with feeling?"

(Richard English, Patridge Green, West Sussex, England)

D'Artagnan loved wine and good brandy;

With musket and sword he was handy.

But the other three gents

Couldn't stand the guy, hence

He got dropped when they licensed the candy.

(Brendan Beary)

Barack, the most dashing of gallants,

Battled Hillary's blue-collar talents.

He was seen as elite,

So some feared that he'd meet

With defeat -- 'twas a delegate balance.

(Chris Doyle)

When our Gucci-clad neighbors declare

That they're nudists, and ask if we'd dare

To join in, we say, "Ooh!

We were gonna ask you,

But you looked like a clothes-minded pair."

(Chris Doyle)

Like a lamb being led to the slaughter

Or a clam in the hands of an otter,

I haven't a chance

When she gives me that glance:

Yes, alas, I'm a dad with a daughter.

(Mike Dailey, Chantilly)

At the creepy old castle our host

Gave our spirits a lift with his toast:

"Pleasant dreams! Don't be daunted;

Most rooms are not haunted.

You've only a chance of a ghost."

(Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Mona Lisa, though hardly well read,

Was a classmate of Leo's, they said.

We know not her history;

She's mostly a mystery

We call the da Vinci Coed.

(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Ahmadinejad asks for a day

Touring Frisco, our town by the bay.

If we schedule it right,

He'll be spending the night

At the Castro Street YMCA.

(Chris Doyle)

I'm dazed by the beauty of Kabul,

A jewel of a place, it's a baubul.

It's considered uncool

To call it Kabool.

That can get you in all kinds of trabul.

(Edward Peck, Chevy Chase, a First Offender)

Daft means you're weak in the noggin,

The runners are off your toboggan,

Your Bic isn't clickin',

Your tape doesn't stick, an'

Your windshield's in need of defoggin'.

(Mae Scanlan)

The Day of Atonement is when

Jews ask God for His pardon. Amen.

When our sins have been purged

(Despite all we've been urged),

We can't wait to commit them again.

(Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland, a First Offender)

And Last:

I'm a dilettante poet, a dabbler,

Just a step above blithering babbler.

For a magnet or mug

Or a shirt that's too snug,

I'm supposed to write what, "Hedda Gabler"? (Brendan Beary)

Read more Honorable Mentions at http://washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.

Next Week: Tied Games, or Sportmanteaus