A 'Hole' New Reason to Get Off the Couch

New fall series continue to dribble onto the air, none perhaps dribblier than Fox's cockamamie game show "Hole in the Wall." Although the program has aired at least twice in prime time, Fox is calling tonight's episode -- which it did not make available for preview -- the series premiere.

Its title a model of pithy fitness, "Hole in the Wall" is, as its host likes to scream, "the crazy Japanese game show that's become a monster hit all over the world -- and it's so simple!" Simple? He can say that again. On this game show, contestants need answer no questions, display no knowledge, let alone battle bugs in Bora Bora or Pago Pago.

No. All they have to do is (the suspense must be killing you) jump through . . . a hole in a wall!

"So" simple? Imbecilically simple! There is, admittedly, a complication or two. The holes -- pre-cut shapes that resemble shadows or crime-scene chalk outlines -- require competing teams to assume unusual positions, so as to pass or leap through the openings without clunking or cracking the precious wall. The walls are made of plastic foam and move along a red ramp that leads to a little pool of lime-green water.

Fail to clear the hole and you most likely plunge into the pond, getting your silvery metallic jumpsuit all soppy.

Each team has three contestants; on Tuesday night's show, one team was nicknamed the Brooklyn Wrecking Balls, because its members were construction workers from Brooklyn, and the other was dubbed the Hollywood Hair Raisers, because they were Hollywood hairdressers. The teams' body language was a study in contrasts, as the host pointedly pointed out; the producers obviously encourage everyone to be as demonstrative and hysterical as possible.

These guys make the wacky spastic jumping jacks of "Deal or No Deal" look like pillars of dignity.

In Round 1, called "Solo Wall," a single member of each team tries to jump through a single human-size opening. In Round 2, "Double Wall," two members of each -- well, we don't really have to go on, do we? After the third round, the winning team gets a chance at a $100,000 bonus; one member tries to jump through a final hole while blindfolded, his teammates shouting out such instructions as "turn left" and, imaginatively enough, "turn right."

As it happens, one of the stunts the other night on ABC's similarly physical game, "Wipeout," bore a striking resemblance to the walls with the holes, but that's less likely plagiarism than a grisly coincidence.

The Brooklyn Wrecking Balls couldn't conquer the "Blind Wall" Tuesday night, but they did walk away with 30 grand in prize money. The Hollywood Hair Raisers got zip. Narrating a brief preview of highlights from future (already taped) episodes, the host promised "more holes" and, yes, "more walls," as well. (To quote Cole Porter out of context, "Well, did you evah!")

It's perhaps perversely encouraging that in their panicky desperation, producers and networks are looking to other lands for ideas -- countries besides England, long a breeding ground for American adaptations. Japanese game shows have gone to bizarre extremes over the years; on one, featured in a long-ago HBO special, men were required to drink large amounts of beer and then sit on blocks of ice. The last to urinate was the winner.

Fremantle, the production company behind "American Idol" as well as the importer of "Hole in the Wall," mercifully hasn't copied one of the most bizarre foreign game shows. This one is bizarre enough -- bizarre and yet, in its pathetic minimalism, curiously fascinating. For about three minutes.

Beyond that, campy stupidity curdles into sadistic torture, and you well might find yourself shouting, "Less! Less!" or even "Stop me before I watch again."

Hole in the Wall (one hour) officially premieres tonight at 8 on Channel 5.