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Three Wise Guys: Misbehaving Pedestrians, the Sophistication of the Wise Guys, Using 'Guys' for Gals
No Question Too Stupid, No Answer Too Smart*

By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Sunday, September 14, 2008

Dear Wise Guys:

The law says that you should yield to pedestrians in crosswalks. But some of those crosswalks are at lights with a "walk"/"don't walk" signal. It really aggravates me when I have a short green light and a pedestrian steps into the crosswalk against the "don't walk" sign. What should I do? Should I just run them down since I have a green light? Or should I stop, let them cross in front of me, lose the green light, be late for my appointment and then call them words that I can't print here?

Drury

Dan: Pedestrians always have the right of way, unless they're in the way. I joke! I once got hit by a golf cart, so I don't mean to make light of this topic.

People on foot are in as much of a hurry as you in your car, you maniac. The question you need to ask yourself is this: Is getting to an appointment on time really worth running over someone and killing them? And, seriously, an "appointment"? Who has appointments these days?

Joe: I have only e-pointments.

Guys:

I am new to the column (have only been reading it for about a year). I have to say how disappointed I was to see your pictures in the section! It totally ruined the mental image I had of you (three much younger, backward-hat-wearing recent college grads). You guys looked -- do I dare say -- sophisticated!?

Jen

Joe: Our pictures have always been a source of disappointment to everyone but our mothers. And probably them, too.

Justin: By the way, if you've been reading our column for a year, then you've been reading it as long as we've been writing it. Our first anniversary is coming up in November. (The Post is throwing us a huge bash.)

Dan: We may look sophisticated, but we're not. I'm 3.5 years out of college and an idiot. (I majored in print journalism.) Joe graduated from Berkeley at the dawn of the Pleistocene era, but our boss, Deb, once made him run to a dry cleaner because his shirt was too wrinkled for work. Justin has great taste in music and art, but he eats every meal at Popeyes.

Dear Wise Guys:

Is lingerie appropriate for a yard sale?

Don

Joe: Wearing it or selling it?

Dear Wise "Guys":

With everyone from waiters to store clerks calling both men and women "guys," why isn't there a female "guy" on your panel? There are more women than men, and it seems that our perspective is not represented when answering the crucial, life-changing inquiries that come your way.

Pam

Justin: We are reclaiming the word "guy." No longer will it be tossed around willy-nilly. "Guy" means guy. It's part of our mission statement -- or it would be if we had one.

Joe: Also, we asked a few women to join us, and they all turned us down.

Dan: Notably Sarah Palin. We couldn't meet her one condition: that we change our names to Puck, Timber and 'Bou (short for Caribou; that was going to be my name).

Joe: For the record, I was willing to change my name.

* * *

This week's motto was submitted by reader Coleen L. Celentano of Damascus. Have a question only the Three Wise Guys can answer? Send it to wiseguys@washpost.com and await their words of wise-dom.

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