They Called, I Answered. It Got to Me.

I've long since stopped blaming them for coming to me. Isn't it only natural for people to push back when they feel powerless, even if only to be noticed? And it feels just as natural for me to take the time to listen, even if all I'm doing is letting them know that their problems matter. That they -- as much as their soldiers -- matter.

But as I listen to each one, I wonder: How long can I keep this up? I'm not exempt from deployment's burdens. I, too, worry about how to manage all the balls I have in the air -- my child, my work running a writing business and, not least, my concerns about my husband at war.

"Once he got to Iraq, he changed all the bank accounts. Now he's only sending me a couple hundred dollars a month. How am I supposed to live on that?"

My husband will change out of this command next year, and I've decided to turn over the FRG reins when he does. Though we're months away from the handover date, my replacement has asked me what she can do to prepare, to make sure that she's ready for the job. I find myself somewhat stymied by the question.

Now I often lie awake and wonder what an FRG leader could do to really empower these spouses, really make a difference as they try to find their way in their husbands' absence. Had I remained aloof, an untouchable traffic cop who called only to remind people about bowling night or to solicit baked-goods donations, would it have been better for everyone? I don't know. It seems that I'm just not traffic-cop material. And with some predicting that the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan may continue for another 10 years or more, I have to wonder, when faced with the diverse and complex needs of military families, whether anyone really could be.

ksukel@hotmail.com

Kayt Sukel is a freelance writer.