You Think Your Boss Is Bad?

Eventually, Tammy's boss put her on probation. He gave her three months to fix the problems, but Tammy says he never made clear what those problems were. She felt blindsided.

"In every position I've ever had, I've always had a great relationship with [bosses]," Tammy says. "I've always received accolades from the people I've worked with and for."

Tammy says she could have enlisted the help of human resources but feared being blacklisted or seen as a complainer. Her health bore the brunt of her stress.

"It had gotten to a point that I couldn't even brush my teeth in the morning without gagging," she says. "I have never been that upset about going into work ever before. I ended up losing 17 pounds, and I'm not a very big person to begin with."

Tammy thought her personality didn't jell with her boss's more aggressive style. In these situations, Miranda recommends that employees ask the HR department to administer personality profiling tests such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the Predictive Index.

"Things come to the surface" in these tests, Miranda says. "Employees and the boss look at each other and say, 'Oh, that's why we're having this problem.' What starts off as an adversarial relationship moves into something more positive."

Tammy was interviewing for new jobs when her boss moved to a different city. Her probation ended, and she got a new manager who trusts her to do her job well -- and she has thrived at the company ever since.

"The sky opened up. Things got clear again," Tammy says. "I love what I do."

Inappropriate to the Extreme

On TV's "The Office," boss Michael Scott is an endless source of outrageously inappropriate comments and behavior. The character is funny and sometimes even lovable. But in real life, such a boss can alienate employees and create a toxic environment.

When Katy, the Rockville resident, took a job planning events for a D.C.-based nonprofit organization, she joined a tiny department with an established culture in which nothing seemed off-limits. Katy remembers hearing the boss fight with her husband on the phone -- the same boss who she says was having a romantic affair with a co-worker.

Katy was uncomfortable because her boss condoned an environment in which racist and sexual comments were acceptable, but the only person Katy felt she could approach for help had been sexually involved with the boss.

If there's any hope of resolving this sort of problem, it's best done with classic "I" phrases, Miranda says. Don't accuse the boss of bad behavior, but say how the behavior makes you feel. The boss will either apologize or be indifferent to your concern, at which point you'll know how to proceed.