'Chihuahua': A Tail-Wagger For Hard Times

Scene: Hollywood studio, the office of its chief executive. The mogul sits behind a huge desk, the only items on it a Zen sand garden and a tiny rake. A young, nervous screenwriter enters.

Chief: Talk to me, kid.

Writer: Chief, the economy's imploding. Americans are losing their houses, their savings and their faith in their leaders. We're at war in two countries, Congress is a dysfunctional sinkhole and the Constitution is in tatters. To quote the president -- who makes a lame duck look like Michael Phelps -- this sucker's going down.

Chief: Bring me the happy.

Writer: A talking Chihuahua movie.

Chief: The what with the huh?!

Writer: A talking Chihuahua movie, Chief, with all the trimmings. We get a cute little dog, find some adorable canine co-stars, throw 'em all into a fish-out-of-water story -- except with dogs -- and animate their little mouths with some visual effects. A friend of mine who knows a drummer who used to date Drew Barrymore has already gotten her the script.

Chief: The dogs -- cartoon or real?

Writer: Real, Chief, right down to the fleas.

Chief: Hmm, talking Chihuahuas. Like those Taco Bell commercials . . .

Writer: Exactly! It's just the kind of boneheaded, super-cute escapism people need in desperate times like these!

Chief:. . . with Drew Barrymore as the dog. . . . You know what, it just might work. Kid, I like your moxie! Now go out there and make me a hit!