The Slant

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By Desmond Bieler
Monday, October 20, 2008

Redskins 14,

Browns 11

This game was about as much a thing of beauty as John Madden's lower intestine. And if Derek Anderson is any kind of accurate on a last-minute pass attempt that would have put Cleveland in easy field goal range, they might still be playing. But Anderson missed, Phil Dawson missed a subsequent 54-yarder, and Washington got a win they will enjoy thinking about a lot more than Madden's lower intestine.

Titans 34,

Chiefs 10

It's understandable Kansas City would have become a tad demoralized, what with Tony Gonzalez's bitterness over not having been traded, Larry Johnson's benching and then Brodie Croyle's severe injury in the first half. But allowing an 80-yard touchdown run to LenDale "The Plod Thickens" White? Nice give-up move. For goodness sake, White couldn't win a foot race with the 67-year-old ref who lost to Charles Barkley!

Rams 34,

Cowboys 14

Care for some more drama, Dallas? A week that included Tony Romo's injury, Roy Williams's acquisition and Pacman Jones's suspension ends with a completely unexpected pounding at the hands of St. Louis. But some things are getting smoothed over, as it appears Jones has patched things up with his bodyguard. Recently he was spotted serenading the hired hand with "I Will Always Love You."

Ravens 27,

Dolphins 13

The Dolphins were motivated by Ravens Coach John Harbaugh's comment that his offensive coordinator, Cam Cameron, who coached the Fins to a 1-15 record last year, "did a great job there with what he had to work with." But the Ravens were even more motivated by the fact they were the '1' in that 1-15 mark. Like the old saying goes, hell hath no fury like a football team hugely embarrassed.

Bears 48,

Vikings 41

Chicago fans went to Soldier Field and an Arena League game broke out. The scoring finally ended when Gus Frerotte threw his fourth interception, which sounds like something only an Avengers quarterback would do. (I was going to say SaberCats, but I actually looked up the AFL standings from this year, and guess what? The SaberCats were pretty good.) Meanwhile, Kyle Orton continues to shockingly prove he belongs at this level.

Steelers 38,

Bengals 10

With the help of his defense and running back Mewelde Moore, Ben Roethlisberger improved to 11-0 in the state of Ohio. On the other side, not even Ohio's biggest celebrity, Joe the Plumber, could plumb the depths of Cincinnati's 0-6 wretchedness. Of course, that might be because it turns out that, if having a license means anything, ol' Joe isn't a real plumber. But that's all right -- the Bengals aren't a real NFL team.

Giants 29,

49ers 17

Great Moments in (Purely Recreational) Gambling History: The Giants are up by 10 late in the fourth quarter, which is nice for them, but they are favored by 10 1/2 , and San Fran has the ball. But what is this? A sack of J.T. O'Sullivan, a fumble, and a mad scramble for the ball that leads to the Niners' Josh Morgan kicking it out of the end zone for . . . a safety! Giants cover! Oh, and they also won the game and improved to 5-1.

Bills 23,

Chargers 14

It's appropriate on a day when the power at Ralph Wilson Stadium went out for a while, the Bolts didn't strike nearly enough. It's also appropriate that a San Diego team on its way to playing a game outside the country (London) stopped in at a squad scheduled to do the same later in the year (in Toronto). And it's very appropriate that the Argobills' Trent Edwards, back from a concussion, gave the Chargers such a headache.

Panthers 30,

Saints 7

The other representative in Merry Old England, New Orleans, will also have a long flight to contemplate the reasons it's not feeling so merry. The main reason being reports of Drew Brees being unstoppable are apparently greatly exaggerated. Brees could only hope he gets the same kind of cabin pressure during his flight that Julius Peppers provided in pocket pressure during the game.

Texans 28,

Lions 21

ESPN college football analyst Lou Holtz had to apologize -- quite rightly -- for comparing Michigan Coach Rich Rodriguez to Hitler, so I'll be careful in choosing the huge figure in German history to whom I compare another struggling football coach in that state, Rod Marinelli. How about . . . David Hasselhoff? They both seem to have gotten pretty far in life without any discernible talent.

Packers 34,

Colts 14

After last week's 31-3 demolition of the Ravens, many NFL observers were proclaiming, "The Colts are back!" They're back, all right -- back to being oddly out of sync and on their way to missing the playoffs. Peyton Manning had a miserable game, whereas Aaron Rodgers played effectively despite a shoulder injury. Funny thing is, Rodgers got through the pain despite not receiving an encouraging phone call from Brett Favre.

Raiders 16,

Jets 13 (OT)

New York got a last-second, 52-yard field goal to tie it up in regulation, but Oakland had the last laugh with a 57-yarder in overtime. Nice first win for Raiders Coach Tom Cable, but a horrible result for a Gang Green team that fancies itself a contender. And after seeing Brett Favre get outplayed by--shudder-- JaMarcus Russell, Tony Romo called the Jets QB and advised him to skip next week's game, regardless of his health.

Buccaneers 20,

Seahawks 10

The NFL will sell some tickets to the Super Bowl, which takes place at Tampa's home stadium, for a face value of $1,000. Here's a guess that no one paid close to that amount to see yesterday's contest between the Bucs and Mike Holmgren's 1-4 crew. Although word is Jeff Garcia shelled out $500 to send Jon Gruden a massive floral arrangement with a note reading, "Let's never break up again!"


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