Madonna Hits the Wrong Notes

The best part of "Filth and Wisdom," Madonna's directorial debut, is that it's only 81 minutes long. It could have been 82.

Madonna fans will probably want to go anyway -- hey, I can't stop you -- but I can tell you that the movie delivers on neither of the promises of its title. It's not filthy, although it seems to think it is, and the only wisdom you'll gain from this ham-handed exercise is learning to never again trust Madonna behind the camera.

What we get are two women and a guy sharing an apartment in London, and all are involved in sexual escapades to make money. A.K. (Eugene Hutz) is a Ukrainian immigrant who narrates the story. He's a punk-rock kind of singer with a Borat mustache who blathers on about art and spanks people who like to be spanked. Holly (Holly Weston) is a ballet dancer who becomes one very awkward stripper. Juliette (Vicky McClure) helps out A.K. with the role-playing and, as a pharmacist's assistant, has simple-minded ideas about helping impoverished African children.

The idea, as A.K. informs us, is that rolling around in the filth leads you to wisdom and enlightenment; you know, art, the hidden beauties and terrors of life in the demimonde, blah, blah.

Maybe it does, but the only thing this movie should lead you to is the nearest exit.

-- Neely Tucker

Filth and Wisdom Unrated, 81 minutes Contains adult themes, language, nudity and sexual fetishes. At Landmark's E Street Cinema.