Flip, Clip, Rip
Sunday, November 2, 2008
LOS ANGELES We're getting to the end of this decade only to realize it was all one big clip job linked to URLs that perhaps ultimately all link to a blank screen in the brain.
Along the way to despair and ruin, came a television show called "The Soup," which airs lightning-fast highlights from the worst that the boob tube and YouTube have to offer. One night "The Soup" showed us a few minutes of Tila Tequila forcing her would-be paramours to eat specially prepared slices of obscure parts of a pig.
That's a lot to take in, isn't it?
Too bad. That is the world now.
Here is where some of you will say: Tila who? A pig's what?
Here is where the rest of us will say: Tila Tequila, duh. Old stuff now. Of course you know.
(If you don't know, we wish we were you.)
"She was here," Joel McHale says, about Tequila, the bisexual skank of reality TV's "A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila."
"I said that I will only do it if I get to wear a hazmat suit when I give her the Entertainer of the Year award with tongs," he says. "And she agreed."
McHale makes a living out of saying the meanest things he and his writers can think of to say about people on television. He has special scorn for people like Tyra Banks, the Kardashian family, Miley Cyrus, and, most of all, his E! network colleague, the height-challenged Ryan Seacrest. Having McHale notice you, and snark about you -- it is not a negative thing. In fact, it's the best thing that can happen to a quasi-celeb. The worse he disses you, the more likely it is that you will go on his show and let him say it to you in person. Meta-contempt is the only evidence of love anymore.
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Life is reduced to people telling you about all these videos and highlights and bloopers and gotchas you have to see, things you have already missed, things that whiz by you in a constant battle of mind-mush. You gave up on breadth and depth and comprehension and the New York Review of Books. You fell into the arms of Arianna Huffington and Entertainment Weekly magazine. You bookmarked the Web sites of ESPN and Funny or Die.