ASK AMY

DEAR AMY: I have a similar problem to "Wondering Sister" in that when our mother died, letters our father wrote to our mother were left in a box that she meant to destroy. I hated to lose any history that might be of interest, so I read them.

The letters mostly were apologizing for being unfaithful and promising to change if she would only give him another chance.

These letters were written while he was out of the country. They came to terms with this and stayed married. Unfortunately, he continued to be unfaithful.

I don't know why she stayed with him. Maybe she thought we needed a father. It certainly wasn't for security, as he could never keep a job.

After our parents died, I realized my siblings didn't know about these affairs, and decided it was of no purpose for them to know.

If they think our father was great, I just smile and nod. It is better for them to remember him in a good light than the way I will always remember him.

Some things are better left unsaid. -- Not Wondering Sister

DEAR NOT WONDERING: You are correct. Some things -- many things -- are better left unsaid. But this is a judgment call that each family has to make based on its own calibration of what purpose could be served by disclosing secrets.

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