THE LIST

We greet the new dawn the only way we know how -- by making a List. Because we've always believed that we're the change we've been waiting for, and because there's nothing like the morning after Election Day for bold proclamations. The culture wars? (Still in.) Hope? (Very in.) The Bible Belt? (A little too tight.)

Here's what's in: Unreal Americans in the unreal America, which turns out to be anyplace and anyone, dreaming our crazy little dreams, making three-pointers from the outside. It's the return of eloquence, of high grades, of cool under pressure. But before we go into that beckoning light, can we have just a little more fancy pageant walkin' from Miss Congeniality? Please?

OUT	IN
Moose	H-O-R-S-E
Chest thumping	Fist bumping
Certitude	Latitude
Tenacity	Audacity
Obama Girl	Wilco
Invoking six-packs	Opening six-packs
Invited to Jenna's wedding	Invited to Sasha's slumber parties
Todd	Toot
Remembering Chad	Remembering Joe
Mavericks	Rogues
Closet organizers	Community organizers
Stuff White People Like	Presidents White People Like
Glasses that make you look smart	Cabinet members who make you look smart
Irritating Bill O'Reilly	Irritating Keith Olbermann
Creepy pundits	Creepy crowds
Neocons	Obamacons
O'Doul's	Nicorette
Orange alerts	Status updates
Seeing Russia	Seeing Paris
The South	The South Side
Bridge to Nowhere	Amtrak
Compassionate conservatives	Social Security
Analyzing the debates	Analyzing "Lost"
U-S-A	Yes-We-Can
Country First	Millionaires Last
Mission Accomplished	Mission: Impossible