By Lisa de Moraes
Friday, November 7, 2008
Dr. Erica Hahn was cast out of the horny halls of Seattle Grace Hospital on "Grey's Anatomy" last night, a mere two weeks after consummating her relationship with Callie, a.k.a. Sara Ramirez.
Though actress Brooke Smith, who plays Hahn, had been told back in September that her services no longer would be needed, she waited until three days before her exit from the show to fling herself in an ecstasy of grief at Entertainment Weekly.
Though Smith said she did not know why she was let go, Entertainment Weekly did its best to convey that she was expunged because ABC or its parent, Disney, got cold feet over the whole McLesbian thing -- because the EW wag himself had told Smith this was going to happen back in July, when he ran into her at a trophy-show red carpet.
Lesbian hookups are a time-honored broadcast sweeps tradition -- this being the November version of the quarterly ratings derby. Actresses who have been tagged made-for-broadcast lesbian on their shows tend to have a very short life expectancy -- about that of plant lice. By that measure, Erica is a true survivor. She and Callie exchanged their first kisses last season -- during the May sweeps.
"Frankly, it was you that warned me this might happen," Smith marveled to the EW wag. "You said [sometimes networks get cold feet] with gay relationships. And I was so naive. I'm like 'It's 2008.' " A sadder but wiser gal, Smith made her final appearance last night, ending her two-week reign as one half of prime-time broadcast TV's only regularly appearing lesbian couple.
Given that Smith's character was hired to replace Isaiah Washington's character as head of cardiothoracic surgery after that actor's homophobic behavior created a kerfuffle the likes of which had never been seen on a prime-time TV series, "Grey's" creator Shonda Rhimes lost no time after EW slapped up word of Smith's pink-slipping to issue one of her trademark patronizing statements:
"Brooke Smith was obviously not fired for playing a lesbian," Rhimes lectured Monday.
"Sara Ramirez is an incredible comedic and dramatic actress and we wanted to be able to play up her magic," Rhimes continued, which I'm sure Smith appreciated.
Smith was let go, Rhimes said, because "unfortunately, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Brooke's character would sustain in the long run."
This is, of course, utter horseradish. "Grey's Anatomy" is famous for the breakneck speed and frequency with which its characters change sex partners. How else do you explain Katherine Heigl's survival on the show all these seasons? She's been in search of someone, anyone, with whom to have chemistry and magic since the show debuted. If Smith had no chemistry with Ramirez, they could always have had her Erica take McSteamy out for a test drive.
Sweeps lesbians have been a staple of prime-time TV at least since Amanda Donohoe and Michele Greene kissed on NBC's "L.A. Law" -- during the February sweeps of 1991. That's credited with being the first lesbian kiss ever shown on the small screen.
Remember Jennifer Aniston's Rachel kissing Winona Ryder's Melissa in front of Lisa Kudrow's Phoebe on "Friends" to prove she, Rachel, really had a lesbian experience with Melissa in college? How about actress Mischa Barton's character's let's-flip-out-Mom-and-Dad relationship with new girl Alex on "The O.C." during the February sweeps of '05?
One noticeable difference between these sweeps lesbians and the sweep hookup of Callie and Erica -- hotness. Viewers tend to prefer their girl-on-girl action served up very, very hot. This cannot be said of Callica. The whole "you are my glasses" scene may have been touching, but it was definitely not hot.
What this story needed was a little outrage. Since Monday's revelation, T.R. Knight, the alleged victim of Isaiah Washington's homophobic comments on the show, and Heigl, Knight's most public defender during that whole tzimmes -- have been uncharacteristically silent.
I know -- let's talk to the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation:
"While we are disheartened that the burgeoning relationship between Callie and Erica on 'Grey's Anatomy' has come to an end, the character of Callie, who has now been identified as a lesbian by show creator Shonda Rhimes, remains and her journey continues," GLAAD President Neil G. Giuliano said in a statement.
"Because there are so few lesbian characters on network television, we hope that ABC and 'Grey's Anatomy' will commit to further developing Callie's character and her relationships, and continue providing this important representation on one of TV's most-watched shows."
Really? That's the best they've got?
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You know how annoyed you are that broadcast networks keep putting on shows you like opposite each other Thursday nights?
Fox is moving "Bones" as part of its annual Make Way for "American Idol" January Prime-Time Shake-up.
And "House" is moving to Mondays at 8, where it will ensure "24" returns big. Fox will launch the new season of "24," which has been off the air since May '07, with the traditional two-night, four-hour orgy of pyrotechnic excess Jan. 11-12).
Fox execs originally said Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" would be the lucky show to be packaged with "24" on Mondays, giving the lie to all those who say Fox suits lack a sense of humor.
Of course Fox isn't going to put "Dollhouse" on Monday nights with "24." "24" is way too important to Fox. "Dollhouse" is being shipped off to Fridays, where it will be paired with the network's other struggling genre drama, "Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles." You'll start calling that lineup "Sci-Fri" and we'll start calling it "toast."
"House" was supposed to air Wednesday nights with the "American Idol" results show in the new calendar year. But Fox suits, encouraged by the sensational ratings results of CBS's "The Mentalist" -- Top 10 show and the most successful new prime-time series this season -- decided instead to give its new "Lie to Me" the "American Idol" companion time slot. Because the procedural crime drama "Lie to Me" is a lot like "Mentalist." One major difference, "Lie to Me" stars Brit Tim Roth while "Mentalist" stars Aussie Simon Baker -- chicks will know what I'm talking about.
On Tuesdays, Fox's other "American Idol" night, the lucky show it's paired with is J.J. Abrams's "Fringe." ("American Idol" returns with its traditional two-night, four-hour orgy of bad auditions, and new Paula Nemesis unveiling, Jan. 13-14).
On Thursdays starting in late January, "Bones" will be followed by "Hell's Kitchen."
And "Hole in the Wall," the human Tetris reality series you thought was dead, is rising like the phoenix on Sunday night in January. Fox's animated "Family Guy" spinoff "Cleveland" won't be seen until fall '09.
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HBO has acquired the as-yet unnamed documentary on President-elect Barack Obama that's still being made by Edward Norton and his Class 5 Films.
Class 5 had engaged agent-manager Ari Emanuel, brother of Obama's just-appointed chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, to make a distribution deal for the film, which HBO will premiere in '09, the premium cable net announced yesterday.
Shooting will continue on the film through the inauguration, the net said.
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