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ASK AMY

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This mother should be confronted, and someone should explain to her the rules and courtesy of modern society. -- Remembers the Times

DEAR TIMES: Thank you for weighing in on this challenging topic.

I have a quibble, however.

It is inappropriate and cruel for anyone to use this offensive term to describe a girl or woman.

That includes you.

I am aware that adolescent girls sometimes act and dress completely inappropriately, but there are ways to make them aware of their behavior without resorting to slinging an epithet.

I know that you have the idea that peer groups can insult one another any way they please, but I hope you'll reconsider.

As a high school student, you and your friends are in the position to set a new standard and provide a decent example for younger kids.

DEAR AMY: When my parents started having kids in 1950, they agreed on an ironclad holiday rule: Thanksgivings are negotiable, but all Christmas Eve/Christmas Day festivities take place where the children live, and all grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends and strays are welcome to drop by at their convenience.

We children grew up having holidays in our own house and never suffered long-distance trips, airport sleepovers, lost luggage or jet lag. We got to make our own family traditions, one of which was extending the rule to our own houses when we grew up and started having children of our own.

Now that the children are having grandchildren, we are encouraging all of them to take just as hard a line.

To be honest, the rule lets everyone have more fun. Grandparents do the traveling and have a festive time taking the kids out on Christmas Eve while the parents are doing last-minute wrapping. Aunts, uncles and cousins can gather on an early December Sunday to make gingerbread houses or cookies while the dads gossip and watch football.

The best part? It doesn't solve in-law issues, but it's far easier to deal with the mother-in-law when you're on your own turf. -- Carla

DEAR CARLA: I like your family's ironclad holiday rule, and furthermore don't imagine that you are the sort of challenging mother-in-law who requires special holiday handling.

(Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.)

(C)2008 BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.


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