By Neely Tucker
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, November 23, 2008

Mr. President-elect, we advise you to think carefully about the dog you promised to get when you move into the White House.

Lots of world leaders have dogs. They tend to reflect their owners' personalities, their images. The queen of England has her imperious and nippish Corgis. Haile Selassie, the arrogant emperor of Ethiopia, had a little dog called Lulu, who would pee on dignitaries' shoes. Russia's Vladimir Putin, given to posing all studly and shirtless, has a studly black Labrador. George Bush's dog, Barney, bites. You see the idea here.

You want your dog to set the right tone for your administration. And you need to like it, especially since, as Harry Truman observed, it may wind up being your only friend in this town.

It's probably helpful to start by ruling a few dogs out.

Given all those unfortunate rap videos and Michael Vick, you don't want to go with a pit bull, as much fun as it might be to turn him loose on Rush Limbaugh. We personally adore Rottweilers, but given their "Omen" movie roles as the guardians of Satan's Spawn on Earth, maybe this isn't quite what you're looking for, either.

No Great Danes. This is the "Scooby-Doo" dog. You make one teensy little mistake, the Dow tanks, and the headline in the New York tabloids, next to you and a picture of the hound: "Ruh-Ro!" People will start calling you "Shaggy."

And no little "Marley," for heaven's sake. We've had it with Marley. You know that movie ad they've been playing since the primaries, where cute little Marley is running down the beach and cute Jennifer Aniston is cutely running after him? We cheer for a killer whale to belly-flop on the beach and swallow Marley like he's a cute little seal. HAHAHAHAHA!! That's a Discovery Channel special we'd pay to see!

Also, accept no gift dogs. Presidential history. (See "Grits"; see "Checkers.")

Amy Carter's teacher gave a dog named Grits to the Carters when Amy's dad took office in 1977. Grits had been born on election night. She seemed to have that presidential mojo. But Grits peed on the White House carpet ! Grits would not swallow a pill for Heartworm Awareness Week!

Grits got herself "re-gifted."

Checkers was also a gift dog, to Richard Nixon's two daughters, which led to the infamously cheesy "Checkers speech." Our notes show you really don't want to be compared to Nixon if you can help it.

So let's think positive here. Let's be upbeat and resolute in the face of two wars, an economy in the tank and Sarah Palin on television more often than you are. Let's get a dog that can help.

You could go with that FDR thing you've been talking about. Fala, FDR's Scottish terrier, was the Lincoln of first dogs. (You've also been reading Lincoln, but he left his dog, Fido, at home in Springfield, Ill., when he moved to the White House.)

"No other presidential pet touches Fala for popularity," said Claire McLean, founder and chief executive of the Presidential Pet Museum, in Presidents Park in Williamsburg, Va. "It was wartime then. He was with the president constantly and relieved stress and gave the nation something light and upbeat and happy."

How about playing that popularity card, updated? More than 42,000 people voted in an American Kennel Club election for the best dog for your daughters. The poodle won, which is just sooo like a poodle, but it's good to sometimes give the electorate what it wants.

Given all factors considered, though, we're going for something else. We're going with something fitted to your size, physique and the temperament of your chief of staff. Yes, we're talking about what the AKC calls "the well-conditioned middleweight athlete of dogdom," the boxer!

Even better, the agency's Web site says, "The breed is known for standing up on its hind legs and batting at its opponent, appearing to box with its front paws." Perfect for dealing with Congress!

Not that we've forgotten about the kids. The AKC: "One of the breed's most notable characteristics is its desire for human affection, especially from children. They are patient and spirited with children, but also protective, making them a popular choice for families."

It's just a thought, sir. But given the nature of your new job, we think you might need a good friend who doesn't think much of newspapers, never reads popularity polls and always reminds you to keep your left up.

Learn more about presidential pooches in the exhibit "First Dogs: American Presidents and Their Pets," at the Newseum, 555 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, through March. Call 888-639-7386 or visit http://www.newseum.com.