Thankfully, Bush Never Had an Ax To Grind

Video

Bush Pardons 'Pumpkin' & 'Pecan'

President Bush follows the annual White House Thanksgiving tradition of pardoning a turkey on Wednesday in the Rose Garden.

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· Absence of scandal.

Republican It-Girl Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey this month, then conducted an interview while turkeys were being slaughtered behind her in plain view of the camera. The technique involved the use of a "killing cone," which requires workers to stuff a turkey wattle-down through the narrow end of a cone, slice its neck, then hold its legs during the death spasm and bleed-out. (For maximum gore, try the bootlegged, unedited version of the video.)

Contrast that with the master -- no killing cone has ever been spotted at a Bush pardoning ceremony. He also has avoided the use of packaged, decapitated turkeys as props, a staging flourish employed in 1975 by President Gerald R. Ford.

· Gender equality.

In 2002, Bush pardoned the first female national turkey, a beauty named Katie. He did, we feel obliged to add, stroke Katie's back. But, by all appearances, it was consensual.

· Growth.

Pardonable quipping, punning and goofiness have reached new heights under Bush, whose father's turkey-pardon monologues were described in the press as "halting" (1989), "unusually stuffy" (1991) and "wistful" (1992).

In 2001, barely two months after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Bush noted that Freedom, the national turkey alternate, "is not here because he's in a secure and undisclosed location." He reprised the joke yesterday with Pecan.

Three years after Freedom's spotlight turn, Michael Moore's Bush-bash film, "Fahrenheit 9/11," inspired the president. His account of the election that named the national turkeys Biscuits and Gravy brought down the house, a fact duly noted in this precise White House transcript:

"It was a tough contest, and it turned out some 527 organizations got involved [laughter] -- including Barnyard Animals for Truth. [Laughter.]

"There was a scurrilous film that came out, 'Fahrenheit 375 Degrees at 10 Minutes Per Pound.' [Laughter.]

"Now, it's a time for healing."

And while some migh remember Bush for the term "axis of evil," who can forget his sensitive reflections on the names of the 2006 national turkeys, Flyer and Fryer?

"They're certainly better," he said, "than the names the vice president suggested, which were Lunch and Dinner."